This Guy Has Already Moved To New York City
Wait, am I the only person who LOVED this piece? I can't walk down the street without tripping over Alt-Bros. My life is full of Alt-Bros telling me that the career I've built for myself isn't half as good as the piece of ART that lives inside me IF I WOULD ONLY LET IT OUT.
Whenever an Alt-Bro starts going on about ART ART ART, I hear the sound of a seal.
The one time I got crabs was from a guy that wore his hair like this. Just saying.
By C_Webb on "Bring Back Bloomberg"! Rich Horrorshows Freak Out Over Fake Snowstorm Class War In Pinhead Rag
What ever happened to grace under pressure? ("Look, Muffy. A snowstorm for us.")
I know this is tremendously uncharitable, and I truly promise that I felt bad one split second after I thought it, but my immediate reaction when I saw the first photo of this ridiculous store/group of people/event that is A Thing In Our Lives Now was, "I hope the ceiling collapses."
Anyway. I figured if there was anyone out there who would understand, that person would probably be reading The Awl.
Ah, my face. My face, my face, my oldest and my only friend. Where were you when the mountains rose up out of the sea so they could admire their stern and rockbound reflections? Nowhere. But my face was there. Where were you when the mighty larch, the noble pone, the sky-bound sequoia thrust themselves out of the black and stinking ground to glory in the light of the sun? Staring, whimpering and afraid. But my face was there, looking amazing. When my face leaves, all wonder and joy will depart from the world, and I shall term myself Ichabod, for truly has glory left the house of Israel.
I will make myself a house of stones and leaves, and live by the river, and be silent, when my face has gone.
My beautiful, very beautiful face, that is so beautiful.
@BoatGirl Right??? I read "Dreamy, enraptured looks" and the less charitable part of me just said "Oh, Honey. That's BOREDOM you're seeing. Because you're BORING."
@cherrispryte "Fat face" isn't an arbitrary insult, it's a 2nd grader's insult, which is what I was going for. It's the kind of insult that springs to mind when your I Want To Cheat On You husband demands sexual favors. Was I implying that said husband was overweight? No. Just that his face looks bloated when he doesn't help with the dishes.
The best part is when MSNBC reporters were told to lie on the ground. The police are now just fucking with the media.
So we don't hate Gwyneth Paltrow anymore?