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On Some People Just Really Want To Live In Disney World

@ejcsanfran

I guessed the "It's a Small World" ride in Fantasy Land, but hey, six of one...

Posted on November 1, 2013 at 5:15 pm 0

On A Life-Changing Invention: The In-Window Cat Litter Box

I have a neighbor who flings the clumps from her cat's clumping cat litter (including cat shit) out her bathroom window, onto the sidewalk. One day she will hit a belligerent drunk from the bar around the corner with a clay/cat scat missile and he will kill her. I can imagine many ways in which this idea will have similarly terrible and possibly tragic consequences.

Posted on October 23, 2013 at 5:05 pm 0

On Why Won't You Racists Let Us Talk During Movies?

@gregorg

There are also the "What did he/she say?" couples. One of them is deaf as a post and the other one stage whispers every other line of the film into the deaf one's skull.

Posted on August 8, 2013 at 3:06 pm 1

On Is Your Japanese Smart Toilet Trying To Kill You?

"Coming soon to a theater near you: SATIS...All they wanted was a self-cleaning bathroom...but THEY GOT A NIGHTMARE."

Posted on August 5, 2013 at 4:20 pm 0

On Ask Polly: I'm Almost 30 And I'm Terrified Of Losing My Looks

Jesus Christ, I thought poor Lily Bart killed herself, but apparently she time-traveled to the 21st century, dragging the fears of an early 20th century, unemancipated, unskilled, unmarried woman with her.

Posted on July 17, 2013 at 5:08 pm 2

On What A Pack Of Cigarettes Costs Now, State By State

So all of the places where it is not possible to live without longing for death on a regular basis have cheap cigarettes.

Posted on July 12, 2013 at 4:27 pm 2

On Ask Polly: Give Me One Reason Why I Shouldn't Cheat On My Wife

@Werner Hedgehog

Because this special sort of jackass believes his opinions are, in fact, facts. He probably also describes himself as "babysitting" if his wife ever leaves him alone with their children.

Posted on July 10, 2013 at 5:17 pm 5

On Is Your Standing Desk Killing You?

@LondonLee

I think they're actually swim goggles, which pushes the whole image way over into Extremely Specific Fetish Image Which Possibly Shutterstock Did Not Even Ask Of Photographer.

Posted on July 10, 2013 at 1:17 pm 0

On Thoughts On Thoughts On Shorts

@Clarence Rosario

Which would be the only possible explanation for that haircut, so let's roll with it.

Posted on June 28, 2013 at 5:42 pm 1

On Job Open

@whizz_dumb

"Comment Section Hall Monitor" = working title for next Vampire Weekend release.

Posted on June 6, 2013 at 2:51 pm 0