I had to stop and take some deep breaths at "panics when she's in the kitchen". This woman is FORTY. How has she survived this long.
It's not so much damage that's the problem but an unwillingness to take necessary steps to heal from that damage. The conflation of mental illness with boorish pseudoacademic assholes here kind of bugs me, because I think the real problem here is dudes (and ladies) who romanticize their damage into an identity and lose the ability or desire to become a functioning human being.