"This person, my mother, is conflicted and sad in ways that she won't admit. She wants us to lie together. She will react negatively to ANYTHING that I do that doesn't feel absolutely safe and controlled and happy and that's not a direct reflection of what she wants for me."
My relationship with my ex-boyfriend, right there.
Wow, dearth of sympathy for LW2. Where's the pep talk that he'll find a woman who'll love him even for his faults? That he's kind and sincere and he's worth it? Why should he even be kind to his wife? Not that he should be a dick, but she is horrendously abusive, he deserves better, and he deserves to get out quickly, and if it is at her expense then what of it? I hurt for you, LW2, there is a lot of pain there and you seem like a good person.