The description in this posts is EXACTLY what I did the first time I listened to it. Bravo.
The bits he gave in "American Swing" were great. Guy sounded like an extremely intelligent guy who shaded himself behind what is considered a low-brow occupation.
Here's my thoughts:
Take a break this year. Do whatever the fuck you want to do for Christmas. If you have to explain that to your mom, do it. She might bitch and whine and guilt-trip you. OK, that's fine, still. And then a year from now make a decision on what you want to do based on two different experiences: spending X-Mas with Mom, and without. Maybe if you don't spend one X-Mas with your Mom, she'll roll back a bit about it next year. Maybe she'll be more condecending, I don't know. Just do it.
Uh... what is that thing growing inside of the water fountain covered in snow?
Hey boyfriend of the second letter writer: A woman's orgasm is about 70% her and maybe 30% you. I used to never have orgasms until I taught myself how to do it mindfully by myself. Yeah, I thought about dicks while doing it but that was 100% me, bro.
So if this chick did have multiple orgasms, it wasn't really something to brag about for your sake.
I think a lot of people have been really lonely too, it's not just the letter writer! Which is a comforting thought. However, you've got to find a place for all that negative energy to go. I've been living in a completely new town for less than a year now and I am very lucky to have two extremely close friends here (from college). However I still get lonely, and when I do I have to do something to channel all that emotion or else I feel trapped, angry, wanting to lash out at people for not showering me with attention. I started making music. I started learning a new language (Hej!). I also made myself care less about doing things alone, like seeing a movie or visiting new places. Hell, last night I went to a concert by myself. I really wanted to see the bands and my few close friends aren't interested, but that's not going to hold me back. And I danced a bit like an idiot. By myself. But you learn through experiences like that that no one cares that you dance like an idiot, and I had a lot of fun. The last thing I learned is that people you meet for the first time aren't going to latch onto you immediately like you might want to. I've had friends in the past and the present who started out aloof around me, but once I had enough experiences with them socially that wall began to fall down and now we're real friends. Maybe it's an impatient thing, maybe it's a desperation thing, but I think what it really boils down to is being a bit more emotional of a person than most, and that's fine!
Letter writer here: Just wanted to clarify the "being alone forever" line. Originally the letter started out complimenting the Dear Polly articles, and in many of them she talks about how accepting yourself as one person and not one half of a couple, so I think because that was edited out it made it seem like I think I'm going to be alone forever. I don't think that, but I also want to try and focus on not becoming codependent, so sorry if that was confusing.
To update on the story, I didn't talk to the guy after he bombarded me with "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND" texts until a week later, mostly because I was still really confused on what this was (in his last texts he made mention that he was still interested in messing around, but I didn't respond because I wasn't sure how I felt about it). I literally texted him "Hey what's up." About 4 hours later he said hello and that he was at the bars. I didn't respond and an hour after that he sent me a bunch of maybe drunk texts that didn't make any sense, which looked like autocorrect had butchered them to hell. Finally, he tells me he's "not allowed to talk to [me] anymore" because it was causing problems in his relationship. So this whole mess is officially over, and I imagine for the better (I never responded).
I do want to thank Polly for her letter. The last few paragraphs finally got me to cry, which is hard for me in general but I desperately needed it and for that I'm very grateful.
I agree with everything here. But I also have to admit that there are times when I date men not looking for anything serious, and typically they don't strike me as a potential life partner, and I have to balance the idea in my head of walking away or, to put it not-so-nicely, use the opportunity for sex. I mean, that's what men do and I get why they do it. It can be fun! And I don't see anything wrong with women doing it. So I guess both sides can be shallow and tepid.
This is very true. Very very very true. I deactivated my FB profile a couple weeks ago and I don't know how to explain it but I feel so much better in general.