This is probably the best thing I have ever read about self-image. I love this column so much. Never stop advising, Polly.
On Meet The Awl
But where do I send my list of cheap happy hour deals in DoBro? To Choire? To STRANGERS?
@brianvan Oh my god, I had this thought, too. "Wrong byline."
I obviously co-sign Polly completely, but also, as the adult child of a person who led a double life for decades, let me advise you to really think about the effect his behavior might have on your children. If you marry him and have kids with him, it's not just your life you're bonding to his. If for some reason you believe you're not worthy of happiness (though you are), then imagine them finding messages like the ones he's been exchanging -- imagine their shock and grief and their total helplessness. You can choose a new romantic partner, but you can't choose a new dad.
@Liz81 My sense of it was more "well, you could never reasonably insist on NOT having joint custody of a child so suck it up but dogs AREN'T kids, so if it's one more thing tying you to a toxic ex, sever the joint custody." Which sounds reasonable to me.
"The physical part of a relationship is very important to me, I don't want to have to compromise on that just to be with someone who's emotionally stable!" <-- this is what is wrong. "Just to be." So the answer is to compromise your emotional and mental health? Just to have some great sex?
It may be not the easiest thing in the world but I'm pretty sure you can find great sex that doesn't require you to put up with meltdowns and abuse. Even at 26 (!!).
BRB, killing myself.
"If there's one thing I wish I'd learned at 18, it's that it's okay if a crazy person hates you." Still trying to get this one through my thick skull.
@Charismatic Megafauna Wait, can I hate him for it all? (But really: salient points, well-made.)