This is distressing. Way too legit for one of the Newbalks. Pretty sure I have ebola now. Thanks.

Posted on October 22, 2014 at 2:54 pm 0

On A Field Guide to the True American Diner

[My] three rules for "real" diners.

- Open 24 hrs (Local zoning prohibitions may interfere with this. Doesn't matter. Rules is rules.)

- Breakfast served all day

- Baking done on premises (This is the most difficult box to check in the contemporary diner world.)

Posted on October 21, 2014 at 5:20 pm 0

On Are Cyborg Identity Politics Destroying YOUR Favorite Restaurant?

Everyone in this story is an idiot.

Posted on May 23, 2014 at 1:11 pm 1

On Pinch Sulzberger, Fire Yourself Today

Pareene x Awl!

What a win factory.

Posted on May 16, 2014 at 11:26 am 2

On How To Not Barf

@antarctica starts here

Yesyesyesandyes. Everything else is placebo, I'm pretty sure.

Posted on April 29, 2014 at 1:26 pm 0

On Why Won't You Racists Let Us Talk During Movies?

I better get to smoke cigarettes in this stupid new theater is all I'm saying.

Can I bring a portable stereo in case I'd like to listen to some tunes too?

And while we're multitasking, I suppose I'll just have my colonic done there too.

So productive. I can live my normal life while other people live their normal lives, all the while staring at a tiny screen with the same stuff that's always on it instead of a giant screen with the thing I just paid money to see on it.

Is there a kickstarter? My life savings hears a siren calling.

Posted on August 8, 2013 at 1:40 pm 3