Oh god my terror of casual or formerly-close-but-not-so-much-anymore friends asking me why they didn't get invited to my wedding is an ongoing concern.
@Anarcissie I tend to side with that just-break-up-already attitude. Like, if the problem is "I am miserable in this relationship and I have been for awhile," why would two young people (without children or other complicating factors in the equation) feel compelled to stick it out? I don't think romantic relationships are good things in and of themselves, and if a relationship is turning you and your partner into jealous, resentful, frustrated people (as in the letter above), why stay? Why not let each other go to find partners with whom you can actually be content? My attitude definitely stems from having relationships in the past that were just not good fits, where I stayed for too long trying to just fix my attitude or focus on the diminishing good aspects, and the immense feeling of relief after getting out of them, and now being with someone who makes me very happy, so I'm totally biased.
@Anarcissie I didn't get that out of this advice-- but I think most 20-somethings don't have their lives "ruined" by the ending of what sounds like a pretty unhappy relationship. And even if she's devastated for awhile, it's hard to imagine that a better outcome would be staying with this guy who has one foot out the door already.
@palinode This is a satisfying response!! I am a late-80s baby and found Canadian mentions of miles confusing.
Also I agree kilometres is an awkward word to put in a story, but "clicks" is a snappy alternative.
@IBentMyWookie It's hard to understand why you are so hostile to this person who is just reiterating the legal definition of assault.
@Antennapedia I didn't say you were awful, I said that was an awful thing to suggest; I'm not trying to attack you personally. This dude has done as well as pretty much anyone can after being abused as a child, and it just seems harsh to imply that someone who was sexually abused just has too many red flags to be a worthwhile partner. As the "damaged" person in my relationship, who feels pretty lucky that my partner stays with me even though sometimes my previous traumas surface in inconvenient and unexpected ways, I relate more to her boyfriend.
@bocadelperro True, but at the outset it was one unplanned pregnancy, and it's very foreign to me to imagine having parents who would respond to that news with a, "Hooray! Let's throw our teenage daughter an expensive wedding!"
@bootsandcats It must be VERY important to them because it's hard to imagine why they would otherwise let this dude live under their roof.
@Antennapedia It's pretty awful to suggest that someone who has experienced sexual abuse is a "thing that needs fixing." There's a difference between someone who is a jerk in a relationship (both people in the first people) and someone is not perfect due to factors beyond their control (eg, having experienced abuse as a child).