@ImSerious I agree totally with both your responses. It is hard to be pragmatic when you're so young, but take the advice of those of us who have done a bit more living: Nothing happens unless you make it happen. She sound so passive in her letter, like she's just waiting for a fairy godmother to transform her life... but you gotta be your own fairy godmother, kid. :)
@Better to Eat You With I'll admit that was my first instinct too. I know enough people from strict churches who got married at 19 specifically so they could have sex. No pregnancies in that bunch, thank goodness, but many divorced in their early/mid-20's and then struggled with the dating scene since they'd never experienced it before. I pity LW1 because I think she the product of a culture that doesn't value her, but I think she needs to take responsibility for her life now.
That first letter Can Not be real. I mean...how? I'm going to get all liberal and angry for a minute because these things should not happen in a country with free public education and access to birth control.
Colin Meloy > Ben Gibbard
Forgive me for being totally ridiculous, but when I'm sleepless and angsty (though my worries relate to money, not the fate of the universe), I find that a good ASMR video will zonk me out in 3... 2... 1... asleep.
On The Honeyed Light, The Magic, The Majesty, The Endless Boredom: Terrence Malick's "To the Wonder"
@purefog Immediately IMDBed him, found that he looks/dresses just like my dad. And then I realize that Days of Heaven is exactly the kind of movie my dad would make. "Oh -- he's THAT guy." --indeed.
LW2/Polly-- Mr. BlueBlazes had some of the worst fashion sense possibly ever in the world when I met him. He was still wearing all of his 1998 clothes 10 years later, and he had kind of a 90210 haircut. In short, he looked ridiculous and didn't understand why women loved to hang out with him at home but never wanted to go out on dates.
We started dating in fall, and as winter came along, he mentioned he wanted to go shopping for a new winter coat. This became my golden opportunity to take him shopping and dress him just the way I wanted. It was like Pretty Woman in reverse. And now I buy all his clothes and he is a sexy beast. The acid wash relaxed fit jeans and pleated pants are gone forever!!!
MORAL BEING: If it is too weird to just tell this girl about her face stubble, how about you show her how into her you are by getting her a spa day gift certificate? That way you are giving her a gift that is also a (secretly) a present for yourself!
@HairBander GET OUT OF MY HEAD. I am your first paragraph. I was best friends with a straight dude that I was semi-in-love-with. but now I realize that being in love with him was kind of a codependent/displacement thing because he was the only person I was spending any time with. BUT, then I was out with him one night and met the future Mr. Blueblazes and our friendship changed forever.
It will never be what it was, but I still care for him and know I can go to him with anything. It is probably a lot healthier this way!
One of my favorite things about Hairpin/Awl is reading letters like LW1's and fondly remembering what it was like to be 20. At the time it was hell. About a year into my college experience, I acquired a Serious Boyfriend and completely dropped all contact with the outside world.
I literally counted the minutes until my awesome, fun roommate would go to class so that Serious Boyfriend could come over. I lost touch with her and with my high school friends.
And a couple years later, when things started going downhill with Serious Boyfriend, I had no one to talk to about it because I had alienated and neglected all of my REAL friends. I can not overemphasize how much that sucked. Don't let it happen to you.
Everybody please cultivate non-boyfriend interests and friends that aren't mutual. Because even if you and Serious Boyfriend get married and have tons of babies, you are still going to need to complain about him sometimes. Wouldn't it be nice to have a network of good friends who will pour the wine and listen to you? Yes it would.
@Niko Bellic Credit the book with the good ending. The movie just did what the book did.
"...class entirely composed of Max's and Madison's."
I assume you are referring to Max's command of language and Madison's tears. The Maxes and Madisons of the world cry out for grammatical justice.
LW1: One of my best dude friends is just like you. He's kind of a smaller guy physically, so he never really got into contact sports. His voice is pitched a little high and inflected well... kinda gay-sounding (ugh, the fact that that is even a thing is so wrong, but true). He enjoys foreign films. He cooks and gardens. He is utterly delightful and charming. And I was convinced he was gay for the first year I knew him. Then I kind of started to wonder, and then, as our friendship blossomed, I realized he was just one of those wonderful straight guys with whom I could share my interests! Hooray! We hung out all the time and dated briefly, and exchange long emails and poetry books and the whole nine yards. I wish there were more dudes like him because I find most manly-men repugnant. They're so angry and violent and loud. So anyway, be yourself. Spend time with people you want to spend time with. The ones who are worth knowing will accept you for exactly who you are, whether you're sure of it or not. Your sexuality is nobody's business but your own.
LW2: I am going to suggest something so redonk. Turn off the porn and get yourself some novels. Look for Austen and Bronte if you're into old timey. If not, look for something contemporary but sexually tame--I'm sure folks over on the Hairpin would be beyond thrilled to suggest some! (Or if you're a movie person, try some rom-coms or any BBC costume drama.) Because what you may need, my girl, is romance--not sex.Internet porn was just barely a thing when I was your age, but I had seen some magazines and some late-nite cinemax. And all I could wonder was 'what's the point of this?' Not that I wasn't interested in sex as a mechanical pleasure, but that I didn't understand the context of why you'd want to do it. Romantic novels helped me fill in the blanks a bit. :)