On The Problem With Relying on a Machine to Eat All Your Garbage

@greenonions the worst of it is if it gets hot at all, the shit that has accumulated in the cat genie starts to mold. So instead of a steaming hot sausage tube of cat shit, you have a MOLDLY steaming hot sausage tube of cat shit.

Posted on September 8, 2014 at 5:09 pm 0

On When a Man Grabs You on the Subway and Tries to Drag You Down a Flight of Stairs

Man, I had a similar thing happen to me, a man followed me up several flights of stairs to yell at me for pushing him as I exited the train. Little did he know I did so because I was nauseated and worried I would throw up on the platform. So as we exited the station I did an about face and let loose the dogs of war (my vomit) onto the sidewalk. He lost his urgency to confront me after that.

Posted on September 2, 2014 at 12:18 pm 1

On When a Housing Inspector Says It's Illegal to Keep a Bicycle in Your Garage

It's a measure of my dull, midwestern personality that I am very intrigued to see how this pans out.

Posted on August 11, 2014 at 3:15 pm 1

On Ask Polly: I Had a Stillbirth and My Husband Totally Lacked Empathy

I'm sure Polly will have a great response to this, but after reading just the letter, leave that motherfucker.

Posted on July 2, 2014 at 3:53 pm 1

On The Limits of Revivalism

What I don't get about this Cadillac place, is that mid-70s Wisconsin Supper Clubs were stuck in the 60s, even in the 70s. Grasshoppers are what Wisconsin moms feed their sick kids to get them to fall asleep (thanks Mom!). You order sweet bourbon manhattans and a prime rib sandwich. I think they're getting "supper club" and "shithole where people go to drink themselves to death" confused. Cause that pic looks vaguely familiar of a certain Wisconsin aesthetic, but they're replicating 70s heydey YNOT/wolski's, not a supper club. Anyway, that's my two wisconsin cents. Don't put this scourge on us, we don't want any fancy schmancy muddled grasshoppers we just wanna drink alcohol milkshakes and scream at the tee vee.

Posted on July 2, 2014 at 12:39 pm 0

On How I Got My iPhone to Finally Let Me Swear

At the DC Apple announced that 3rd party keyboards are on the way, which means none of this matters. We'll all get Swiftkey when it comes out for iPhone so that our keyboard can scour the interwebz and our text history to predict when we want to say "fun" and when we want to say "fudgepackers." Welcome to the future, pigpoopballs.

Posted on June 23, 2014 at 1:35 pm 1

On What If These TED Talks Were Horribly, Unspeakably Wrong?

I'd rather deep throat a sandwich baggie full of broken glass than listen to Malcolm Gladwell bloviate about literally anything.

Posted on January 17, 2014 at 2:24 pm 2

On Ask Polly: My Life Is A Beige Pointless Hellscape!

@MousesHouse I was just coming here to say that. I'm not destined for SNL, but I've gotten damn good at being funny, knowing how to make people laugh, harnessing anger into satire. It makes everything in my life better. I care more about my job, I am a better partner, a better friend, I care about my life a lot more. I even work out! It's full of a lot of flannel wearing white male opinions, but it's also full of the best people you'll meet, just working on being OK people.

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 4:44 pm 0

On Ask Polly: We Had The Best Sex Ever, But He Won't Be Mine!

@anthraxl rose I think she's referring to Polly's last post. If you want to find someone worthy of your awesome, you have to get used to the idea of being awesome alone, and then you won't be desperate for someone who's "tepid" about you.

My reply is for someone down below, I don't know how it ended up here.

Posted on October 31, 2013 at 5:21 pm 0

On What Does Your Coffee Say About You? And... Is It Something Terrible?

Ugh, accidentally deleted my comment. The best theory I've heard is to increase construction of high density apartment complexes/building so that the rent stays down. Those who already live there can stay, those who want to move in and bring their professional dollars can move in. Also increases property taxes without increasing individual tax burden too much, so the schools get better.

It's an idealized theory, but I think there's some truth to it.

Posted on October 31, 2013 at 5:18 pm 0