Holy fucking shit. I found the column I am printing out to put in my wallet.
LW: I am totally there right now, in different ways. I was fired from my job and kept it a secret for weeks. It was miserable and terrible and I was in deep deep depression and anxiety. I finally told everyone, which was my greatest fear, and now I am on the moon. Everyone is loving and supportive (even parents) and I don't have this horrible thing hanging over me. After I got over being afraid to deal with it, I can now actually DEAL with it, making plans and figuring it out.
I was depressed in a bad way for the past year and it was because I hated my job and felt like there was nothing I could do about it. We can be pretty simple creatures. I was unhappy and didn't deal with it or felt helpless about it, and it just stuck around until it became a raging psychosis. You are stuck in a cycle of guilt and reclusiveness because you're not doing well at school. I think if you can't graduate in 1-2 semesters you should think about leaving, or taking a leave of absence, and just getting a job and figuring out life without school. It may feel absolutely impossible right now to do that, but it's not impossible, just hard.
I was just face-to-face with my own grumpy nastiness on a weeklong vacation with my family. My poor poor husband is a kindly ball of love and joy and understanding and I had to subject him to our constant grumpiness. I both felt terrible for him and thankful that he is the most patient and loving person ever, and also mad that he should just get over it. Because that is how my mind works.
Let's tell wedding stories you guys!
On my wedding, there was a brief period of time when I went downstairs and was helping to clean the kitchen, and started doing dishes. My aunt came and screamed at me for doing dishes in my wedding dress. I didn't give a fuck. I think this was my small act of rebellion against the industrial wedding complex.
@Olivia2.0 Thank you for saying this. This group sucks. Unless your two small kids are amazingly entertaining and everyone loves them like daughters. Seriously, find a new group. Or let Jessica into my group, we will eat her. At a restaurant, because we don't fucking cook.
HEATHER. How are you so wise?
Just wanted to come and say: Polly, you are the best.
@themnemosyne "I am pretty okay with 2nd wave feminism having the "unfortunate side effect" of making your dick sad."
I want to have this tattooed on my ass.
@jfruh Oh yeah, I was extremely misquoted for a local article and was kind of shocked how obvious it was. I was in Tucson when the shooting at Gabby Gifford's talk happened, and went to a vigil that evening. A local reporter was getting very general comments from people and talked to my husband and I. Didn't write anything down or record us. He got our ages and positions wrong, and basically took the gist of what we said and made up quotes for us. It was relatively harmless, but bad.
@Chimpo Sorry, I disagree. And while I generally like Polly's advice, she puts the onus on this woman to change their life on her own. If she wants to make the marriage work or at least get to some root of this guy's problem, I don't see why they can't have a conversation about his behaviors and motivation that could have a positive and treatable outcome.
LW1 - I think Polly gives good advice, but I just wanted to add: has your husband ever been checked out for ADHD or similar attention/behavioral issues? He could just be happy with his status quo, but a lot of what you list sounds like ADHD problems to me. Difficult to stick to plans, pursue long-term goals, bad with money, self-medicates (?) with alcohol, etc. It might be worthwhile looking into!