I'm more in the don't go camp, but I also think FUAX needs to talk honestly with his mom about how horrible her attitude, when he is there, makes him feel. If she desperately wants him there, her behavior should show that. If I was FUAX I would wait until after the holidays, then call up mom and tell her that if she wants him to come next year, she needs to lay off questioning his life choices and just enjoy his company. If she can't do that, then he shouldn't agree to be part of the holidays, and stick to visiting on a different date. Just because they're family doesn't give the mom to treat him with less respect than she would a stranger.
This reminds me of some of Ursula LeGuin's short stories. Great story. I was wondering though, about this sentence "Now there are no men, and we speak not of them, lest in these forbidden memoirs." Did you mean to write 'just' instead of 'lest'?
I went to Goucher, and I majored in Philosophy! No dancing, although I went to many student performances. It's cool to see an alum doing something so innovative.