On Top Eleven Dumb Songs to Sing to Cats

1. Kitty, kitty, kitty, a cat after midnight.

2. I loves you Spikey / Don't ever scratch me

3. Let me lay it on the line
I've got a little catnip that I hide
When I don't want my cat
Going crazy

If you like it then you gotta go and pee on it
If you like it then you gotta go and pee on it
Just lift your leg, and take a little wee on it
If you like it then you gotta go and pee on it

Posted on November 30, 2011 at 10:09 pm 3

On Best Movie Closing Songs, In Order

"It's the Same Old Song," Blood Simple. Best ever. Also, "Just Like Honey" was so inappropriate for that movie my assumption is that Sofia Coppola understood not one lyric.

Posted on June 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm 0

On Schwarzenegger Sex Scandal: Internet Totally Phoning It In


Yes, I am fussing over the "e" rather than the whole "Maria Shriver's journalism career and not-insignificant amount of feminist activism were sold out to quash the harassment claims made against THIS guy, and as a consequence, California's economic situation is about twice as bad as it would be if Gray Davis had remained in office" thing.

Posted on May 18, 2011 at 12:06 am 0

On A Chat with Heather Havrilesky

And that is exactly what I found intolerable about her Salon columns: I had to wade through swamps of her self-obsessiveness just to find out if a TV pilot looked promising, and half the time she wouldn't even say anything helpful in making that determination.

Posted on January 18, 2011 at 5:50 pm 0

On Celebrities Behind Bars! A Comprehensive Study of Bad Behavior and Forgiveness

I kind of want this to have a "Tearful interview?" metric, because I'm pretty well convinced it's the lack of just such a plea for public mercy that's kept Tom Cruise on the unforgiven side. His offenses relative to many others on this chart are downright pissant.

Posted on August 18, 2010 at 6:11 pm 0

On The Question That Confronts Every New Yorker Eventually

Five years ago, after a series of deaths in the family, I developed a coping strategy where if I thought I was going to cry in the close, awkward environment of the subway, I hopped off at the next stop and started walking, because walking is calming and because New Yorkers know enough to leave an otherwise sane-looking person the hell alone when they're crying. It worked.

Then this spring I had to ride the subway after learning of another close death, and I once again got off the train to walk when I felt the tears coming. Only this time, no fewer than three people asked me for directions. Which I gave! Through tears!

The city has definitely changed.

Posted on August 2, 2010 at 5:56 pm 0

On Daniel Schorr Dies

Gotta say, using the same adjective ("legendary") for Schorr and the chupacabra in back-to-back posts is a tad jarring.

Posted on July 23, 2010 at 1:37 pm 0

On 'Inception' A "Deranged Turkey"

I hate to say it, but: except for having a sincere appreciation for Charlie Kaufman, I pretty much agree with Reed's evaluation of the rest of Nolan's resume. So much portent, so little actual thought or depth.

Posted on July 14, 2010 at 11:44 am 0

On Asher Roth, "Toni Braxton"

Wow. A song this annoying exists, and we're busy giving Liz Phair shit?

Posted on July 6, 2010 at 3:42 pm 0

On Maybe You Need To Get Off the Internet for a Day?

Just a word of warning: there's wi-fi on the Acela Express and stations along the NE Corridor line. Go west!

Posted on June 30, 2010 at 9:11 am 0