On Dear Mom

When I found out my dad had terminal cancer (multiple myeloma, only diagnosed after a full year of spinal fractures, frantic trips to the ER, months-long hospitalizations and extreme pain), it was a sunny Friday morning, two days after I dressed up as Sandy from Grease to go trick or treating with friends. I was 11 and in sixth grade.

My mom told me at the kitchen table just as I was ready to leave for school. "Dad has cancer." Her face crumpled. That unmistakable chilly tingle spread down from the top of my head and, nervously sucking in my breath, I asked in an unfamiliar high-pitch, "Is he going to die?" She slowly nodded and her eyes overflowed. I don't remember the ride to school. But when we said our morning prayers after the pledge (it was Catholic school), I stood up and asked my stunned classmates to pray for my dad "because he has cancer and he's going to die." The teacher led me out of the room sobbing. After talking with one of the more sympathetic nuns, I was sent home for the day. I went to play with my next-door neighbor who was home sick. When I sat down on the couch, the first thing she said was "My mom said your dad is going to die. Do you want to watch Bill & Ted?"

The next ten days were a blur, until the dreadful Tuesday afternoon when my oldest brother's wife (who lived 100 miles away) appeared outside the classroom. "Let's go, honey, I'm taking you to the hospital so we can say goodbye to Dad."

Posted on March 20, 2013 at 12:57 pm 0

On This Week's Winners and Losers of New York City's 2013 Mayoral Election

I've already made my decision. He doesn't have a snowflake's chance in hell, but I vote with my gut.


Posted on February 8, 2013 at 11:46 am 0

On The Worst Places To Wait On Line In Order Of How Much Time They Allow You To Imagine The Sad, Everyday Lives Of The People In Front Of You Until You Eventually Confront The Depressing Reality Of Your Own Existence And The Crushing Burden Of Being For All Of Us—A Pain Which Only Ends With Death, But Never Soon Enough

I don't anticipate many of you have had the distinct pleasure of spending a day at social services in the Bronx. They make you wait on no less than FOUR lines. Humanity in ya face. Enough time to consider every ill-advised financial decision you've made in the 33 years on this earth leading up to that point.

Posted on December 4, 2012 at 11:33 pm 0

On What Was Your First (Or Favorite) Halloween Costume?

My first and favorite costume was Monchichi. I wore that plastic mask around the house for weeks. On the big night, while running down the hill to my next-door neighbor's house (covered in sleety snow, for this is Buffalo) I fell, ripped the costume and broke the mask. Hadn't even made it to the first house.

Posted on October 26, 2012 at 11:05 pm 0

On Fictional Characters I Would Like To Cast In A Reality Show

Pulling needs to be watched. By everyone.

Posted on March 2, 2012 at 5:27 pm 0