I dig sports, so I was watching "Game of Thrones" on Home Box the other night and there was this part where a dude was being super-rude to a lady, but he was doing it in a Foreign Language from errbody else, so he thought he was slick. However, the person he was being rude to was the chick who has the fire-breathing dragons, and she came up hard, and she does not play. Spoiler alert. Aiieeee! READ MORE

Not that you asked, but when it comes to the more Labor-Intensive aspect of availing myself of the Facilities, as it were, I generally prefer to handle my Business, if you will, at home, in the privacy therein and so forth. Every once in awhile, in my workaday world, in an extreme circumstance, I may find a need to be alone with my thoughts while in an office environment, uncomfortable as I may be with the entire process. It helps to read most of this in a phony English accent, I think, like one of those powdered-wig lawyers on Public Television. Go on, start over and see if it helps. No? Worse? Yeah, sorry, at this point, I am starting to hallucinate-smell some of those "air freshener" things in Public Restrooms, bleagh. Anyway. READ MORE

The nights are getting warmer and it won’t be long until summer comes! No offense, but this current season of spring has pretty much been crappy and we are now about a groundhog-hair away from being done with it. Yeah, as soon as all this pollen stops killing us, it’ll be summer time, and I know there’ll still Global Warming, but I want to have an enjoyable summer, so I’m basically not gonna think about Global Warming this summer, even when it’s 120 degrees and the pavement is soft enough to claim a shoe! Don’t wear flip-flops out on those city streets, people, please. READ MORE

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I know it's Springtime and it's supposed to be renewal and flowers and budding trees and things like that, but I'm tired of stuff right now, you know? Among certain other things that happened this week, there is also like this thing with the goofball in Korea who is gonna launch a nuclear missile on his grandfather's birthday or something? It's depressing! READ MORE

Baseball Season is here, and if you are not very Sporty, you might be all like: "Baseball? Big deal, I don't care about your stupid 'America's Pastime,' it's just for awful horrible stupid average people who want to Conform and be Average Americans with their Coors Light and 'Two entrees and an appetizer for $20' at Chilis, and their porky insulin-shock-at-any-moment kids and Wal-Mart—or maybe Target because it has a Starbucks now—and a minivan—or better yet a Dodge Magnum station wagon—and "relaxed fit" jeans and XXXL sleeveless "muscle" shirts from Costco and coupons for Gino's Pizza Rolls and low-fat frozen fudge bars because those are healthier and 'hey, maybe we should check out JC Penneys because it's better now, they have Martha Stewart' and wait, what were we talking about, what did you say? 'Baseball?' I don't care about Baseball, I've heard about the awful things that happen in the stands at Baseball games with people who think they have the right to behave like animals because they bought a ticket to a game, don't try and force your Mediocrity on me, go read a book." READ MORE

Today is April 1, a/k/a "April Fools Day," and I don't like it. All this thing is about is making people feel bad. I have never read about or even Googled "April Fools' Day" to find out where this April Fools crap came from and why it is here, because I don't care. I don't like it, April Fools' Day, and I don't want to know anything about it. I just want it to Not Be. READ MORE

Passover begins tonight, and while I do not worship the G_d of Israel, I dig matzo and Observing this Religious occasion because I was raised on Television, where one of the best things I was conditioned to enjoy when I was a child was this movie they put on every year around this time called The Ten Commandments, by the movie director Cecil B. DeMille, and starring Charlton Heston, who would later go on to be a gun enthusiast and star in even cooler movies where he would do stuff like fight apes on a whole planet full of them, be The Omega Man, and tell everybody what the deal was with Soylent Green. (You probably know even if you haven't seen the movie, but I'm not gonna spoiler it.) READ MORE

I hope you had a Happy Saint Patrick's Day, if you believe in that sort of thing, and I hope you are not ill from too much alcohol, the official drug of choice of Saint Patrick's Day. I don't judge, I mean, I like to drink and drunk, and if you want to get loaded because it's Saint Patrick's Day, or Tuesday, go for it. I just know what it feels like Later, after too much alcohol, so I'm just saying, I hope you feel OK today and that your liver is not trying to leave your body because you were trying to kill it with fun. READ MORE

Personally, I do not believe in Daylight Saving, which we (as in U.S.) are "in" right now, Timewise. Professionally, however (or maybe I should say "professionally" in quotes), I am Societally forced by The Man to conform to the so-called "Daylight Saving" in order to appear in the office at my job and stuff according to Daylight Saving O'clocks, which, in case you are unfamiliar with Time, means that right now you pretend it's an hour later than it really is until 2 a.m. ("Daylight Saving Time") on Nov. 10, 2013, and then you "Fall Back," and "gain" an "extra" hour of sleep or whatever other fun you might be up to at 2 a.m. o'clock in the morning on a Sunday in November. Wow, it'll be cold again in November, probably. READ MORE