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On Ask Polly: My Terrific Herd Of Friends Is Being Ruined By This Awful Freak

I have a follow-up question (I am not the LW): once you have managed to taper off a friendship/cut Little Edie out of your life with minimal drama, how do you not harbor resentment towards them? My situation is more complicated because my erstwhile friend is not just needy/insecure, but also the sort of person who does selfish things and then wallows in self-recrimination in order to justify the selfish things she does (it's a whole self-hating cycle). Even though we aren't friends anymore, we still have some Herd in common and see each other from time to time, which always stirs up bad feelings for me. I've taken the high road, but whenever I see her I have to remember I'm taking this stupid high road, because some part of me is always going to want her to look at her life with clear eyes and recognize that she makes bad choices and (obviously, the most important thing) that I am Right about everything. This is a stupid and useless thing to want, mainly because I truly believe I couldn't dislike her more than she dislikes herself, but I find her self-deceptions so toxic that whenever I see her it stirs up my simmering resentment. I'm sure we've both said shitty things about each other, which I regret, but is there ever call to make an appointment just to say those shitty things to each other's face? There's no point in a conversation to "clear the air" because she'd be irate that I thought I had to "forgive her," and you can't really forgive someone who doesn't ask or seek your forgiveness without negating that whole drama-free high road. I would like to stop disliking her though.

Posted on February 26, 2014 at 3:27 pm 0

On Date Ivy: Inside IvyConnect's Exclusive Dating Scene

I don't know if this makes me an elitist/terrible person/blazer-wearing preppy, but this does not sound like the worst thing? I mean, I have no interest in dating exclusively wealthy east-coasters getting MBAs with multi-hyphenate family names, but a slightly more curated dating pool appeals to me. I have often thought (and then quickly become ashamed of myself) that a website with some kind of entrance exam, just to screen out the functionally illiterate, would be worth paying for.

Posted on August 22, 2013 at 10:25 pm 0

On The Love of My Twenties: An Unexpurgated, Factual Account

@bluewindgirl Awww, I just realized this is (obviously!) satire. I lose at the internets!

Posted on March 25, 2013 at 6:57 pm 1

On The Love of My Twenties: An Unexpurgated, Factual Account

This is one of those times when I'm grateful for how deeply and fundamentally uncool I am.
Also, nothing about "43 ... smelled like homemade deodorant and old paint and well whiskey; he had needle marks on his arms, and a line of brown dirt under his fingernails, and one missing front tooth" has anything to do with "that boy is fucking beautiful." I know beauty is a social construct and all, but DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Writer, I respect your unique world view!

Posted on March 25, 2013 at 5:26 pm 0

On For Those Who Have Asked Politely About My "Novel"

@alorsenfants I also have two unfinished novels! One made it to 250 pages before collapsing under its own weight, one stalled at 130, and a novella (less ambitious goals!) broke down around 30 pages. I did, however, finish one rather overwrought short story. But who buys short stories?

Posted on November 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm 0

On 'Stranger In A Strange Land': Can You Grok That?

@Aumeh Alert THANK you. I read this when I was 14, and it filled me with blind rage. Possibly I was a somewhat conventional child and the idea of The Nest was unsettling to me, but I still maintain that there is nothing utopian about people's features gradually becoming the same (because how we look is exclusively relevant to who wants to have sex with us); that is creepy as hell. I also, to this day, do not understand whether the marvelous money-free cult, the existence of which depends upon the guy inheriting a jillion dollars from his parents, is intended to be ironic or not. Everything would be better if we didn't use money, so lets have a bunch of money so we don't have to use money? What political system does this reflect?

Posted on September 29, 2012 at 12:21 am 0

On Twenty-Seven

I juuuuust turned 28, and I now find this article very depressing. It was... ok?

Posted on August 29, 2012 at 8:40 pm 0

On How Did You Get There, Vegan Fashion Designer Leanne Mai-ly Hilgart?

@Leanne Mai-ly Hm, ok, thanks! I buy 95% of my clothes secondhand, which makes me feel a little better, at least, about my money not going to support terrible industries (because practically speaking it's almost impossible to buy anything that isn't screwing someone somewhere: sweatshops! child labor! Dov Charney! single crop agriculture that rapes the earth! alternative materials whose production relies on awful chemicals! shipping companies where employees are virtual slaves!) but I see how that wouldn't cut it for some folks! ... I cannot fix anything.

Posted on July 31, 2012 at 10:21 pm 0

On How Did You Get There, Vegan Fashion Designer Leanne Mai-ly Hilgart?

Vegan fashion aficionados, educate me. I don't understand how wool is cruel to sheep. I feel like certain attitudes about animals are predicated on a Romantic pastoral narrative about Nature before the interference of humanity, when practically speaking a lot of domestic animals have evolved with/through the active interference of humanity. Sheep have been selectively bred to have extra thick warm wool. I was under the impression it was kind of crummy to have to scratch it all off on branches during the summer. If the problem is that wool comes from giant awful wool farms, then we should worry about making farms like that better, and not wearing wool at all is a more personal, political statement than it does practical good. So, why? Genuinely interested, here.

Posted on July 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm 0

On How to Watch "Battlestar Galactica"

@Bobby Womack I especially like when Fat Apollo gets in shape in maybe days and Adama shaves his mustache, signalling the end of BSG's THE DARKEST TIMELINE.

Posted on July 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm 0