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On Ask Polly: Give Me One Reason Why I Shouldn't Cheat On My Wife

I cannot overemphasize how much more likely it is that your wife will fuck you if you start acting like a parent all the time and not just when it serves your purpose. Parenting isn't just making sure the kid doesn't eat a battery, it's also picking up food on the floor, making dinner sometimes, giving a bath sometimes. Our sex life got a LOT better when we consciously started alternating nights on kid duty: you bathe him, I'll clean the kitchen, and vice-versa. I know you want to come home and read Reddit for three hours and then proposition me for a quick hump, but it's not gonna happen if I just spent two hours wrangling a two-year-old to try to act like a decent human being while you looked at every single TIL post.

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 12:36 pm 7

On 'Stranger In A Strange Land': Can You Grok That?

When I was in high school, one year the regional Unitarian youth group weekend conference was Grok-themed. My dad flatly refused to allow me to go, and I couldn't understand why. I read Stranger in my 20s and now understand why my father feared his child attending it. I mean, every UU conference involved sex and drugs, regardless of the theme, but whatever.

Posted on September 28, 2012 at 2:50 pm 0

On 'Stranger In A Strange Land': Can You Grok That?

@melis absolutely. Cinematic artistry at its finest. Personally, it's one of those movies like The Princess Bride or High Fidelity that is a day-ruiner: you see that it's on TV and welp, there goes two hours.

Posted on September 28, 2012 at 2:45 pm 0

On Drinking While Pregnant

@jaimeleigh As a chronic over-prepare-er (I research! It's my graduate program!), I am perfectly aware of what may cause miscarriages. My deepest pregnancy cravings were for a cold Rainier and a goddamn turkey sandwich, and I avoided the turkey like the plague. But when women are told "don't eat this!" with no explanation, a lot of us get REALLY fucking tired of it and rebel. Did I rebel by chowing down on raw fish? No. I rebelled with a cooked medium steak, and occasional sips of wine/beer. "No soft cheeses" doesn't encompass the fact that 99.9% of all soft cheeses sold in the US are pasteurized, and the soft cheeses to be avoided are un-pasteurized. I had a breakdown at 7 months when I accidentally ate a dish with cotija on it, but then after reading up on it, fucking cotija is pasteurized and I didn't give the kid flippers. We're told to avoid hot dogs and bacon, but not why (nitrates/nitrites, not as a miscarriage risk). By informing women of why something is a risk and how to mitigate the risk, we (at least, I and my circle of acquaintance) are more likely to listen and respect the guidelines given.

Posted on June 22, 2012 at 6:14 pm 1

On Drinking While Pregnant

Pregnancy seems to be a really easy way for society to infantilize and pass judgement on women. A brief list of things you shouldn't do while knocked up BECAUSE OF THE BABY:
hot tubs, hot baths, alcohol, caffeine, lunch meat, soft cheese, meat that isn't well-done, sushi, tuna, be near smokers, eat anything with artificial sweeteners, fresh juice, un-firm eggs (Caesar dressing, hollandaise, etc), pate, sprouts, smoked salmon, hot dogs, bacon, raw shellfish, local foods, raw milk, leftovers, nail polish, hair color, loud music, god knows what else.

Being pregnant blows in a purely physical sense, the list of things that might give you a flipper baby is enough to make you crazy. Chill out and indulge with education and moderation, and perfect the stink-eye.

Posted on June 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm 4

On Drinking While Pregnant

@iantenna "should all sexually active women with iuds not drink or smoke or do drugs because there is that slim slim chance that they're pregnant and don't know it?"

Actually, there's been recent government recommendations that anyone with a uterus should be taking folic acid every day, basically acting as if we're trying to get pregnant. Like we should all walk around assuming we're pre-pregnant.

When I decided to get knocked up, I very self-righteously decided to start eating/drinking as if I was pregnant. When I did get pregnant and told my GP about that, she told me very firmly that, in the future, keep drinking until I was pregnant-- a glass of wine is more beneficial than stressing out over something I couldn't control. In essence, "drink 'til it's pink." With #2, that will be my plan. And after the first trimester, I started having sips of my husband's beer if he had one (sometimes he had one at my direction so I could get a sip or four). On my due date, I had a glass of wine and a bag of M&Ms for dinner. The kid came late, huge, and healthy, and he has continued being huge and healthy, and hitting developmental milestones early. I don't feel bad about the beer or champagne or wine I had, and I won't with the next kid.

Posted on June 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm 0

On 'Wideacre': Depraved Estate-Management For Dummies

@Pandemic Endemic Some people tell me it's terrible and they never finished it. Um, maybe it's terrible if you'r reading it as CLASSIC LITRACHAH but as awesome trashy smut it's phenomenal. There's gorgeous clothing and sex on a beach and magic and royalty! All it's missing is lines of cocaine in Beverly Hills and a tragic past as a prostitute!

Posted on May 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm 0

On 'Wideacre': Depraved Estate-Management For Dummies

@Annie K. Rufus Sewell is just ripe for English countryside sinister sexcapades and possibly serious felonies. His name, his face, his everything.

Posted on May 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm 0

On A Poem By Sherman Alexie

If you haven't read Alexie's poetry, get the hell on it. It's amazing.

Posted on May 3, 2012 at 4:25 pm 0

On What Books Make You Cringe To Remember?

@MissMushkila Never be ashamed of Georgia. NEVER. I didn't read them until I was an adult and I think they're delightful. Fluff, but delightful fluff.

Posted on April 5, 2012 at 6:35 pm 0