On You'll Wet Your Paints In Fear And Rub The Side Of Your Jaw To Massage Away The Phantom Pain When You See This Unbelievable Picture Of A Bad Tooth
Son of a dentist here. Yes, you will die if you don't floss.
@elsaschneider Been listening to the soundtrack on loop since this post published. Make your own playlist tip: follow "Hatching Baby Raptor" with "The Raptor Attack". As nature intended!
I just realized the super gratuitous shot of Muldoon's thunder rugby thighs is probably what made me gay. Thank you for this.
I'll drink to much coffee!
@MikeBarthel Doubly that Balk didn't link to the hand bell version of "The Simpsons Theme". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOjA2KoEEwI
“Goats are trouble. Goats are trouble…” #gooblegobble #gooblegobble
Sir Thomas Wyatt the Woofer. What a lovely head to behold.
The obvious building blocks for a non sexist/anti-pedo joke at Quvenzhané's expense are the unusual name and her fierce natural talent and petite adorableness. In both cases one must be careful of racist pitfalls (no "La-ia" semantics or Gary Coleman/Emmanuel Lewis references).
For something a little more now-but-also-then, whip a little Willow Smith in the mix--some kind of reverse of Amy Pollard's "Dakota Fanning Show" SNL skit. But don't touch weave-snatching (see above).
How about the fact that she is nine fucking years old nominated for a role she did at six. Do you know what I was doing between 6 and 9? Neither do I, but there's got to be at least one decent joke in there. Look what I'm doing at 37.
Or take me out of the equation and insert other child stars--failed, fallen or otherwise. Did cutie Q-né grab a fag with Tatum O'Neil during commercial. Spotted in the bathroom during the (yawn) In Memorium sharing lip plumper with Macaulay Culkin. Wasn't she overheard getting career and relationship tips from Jodi Foster over champagne at Drew Barrymore's otherwise dry Oscar after party?
No gold there, just easy, winky child-friendly jibes so the bile can be better spent har-/lampooning someone more deserving. Like Kristen Stewart. Girl was so high.
I thought Azog was pretty hot, in a butch albino Xerxes sort-of way.
On The Worst Places To Wait On Line In Order Of How Much Time They Allow You To Imagine The Sad, Everyday Lives Of The People In Front Of You Until You Eventually Confront The Depressing Reality Of Your Own Existence And The Crushing Burden Of Being For All Of Us—A Pain Which Only Ends With Death, But Never Soon Enough
Assuming you haven't been much to any post office branch above 110th. They make the pharmacies seem like a gorgeous, cheap, empty beach on a remote location of Vieques as-of-yet untouched by New York mag or The Times.