Reading this made my heart feel very full.
@Freyberg14 Ok...this was my initial gut reaction. And then reading Polly's response kinda talked me down from my DTMFA response. But reading your comment brought me back to my gut reaction. I had an ex who, while not from a privileged background, had a way of making every major event in my life or my family about him. This kind of person no longer sits well with me. Not that they ever did - but I did a lot of covering for his narcissism while we were dating. I'm determined never to put myself through that again. The LW mentions that this happened one time, but I'm wondering if it's part of a larger pattern.
@paddlepickle It might have something to do with the guys in their late 20s/early 30s who are open to dating an older woman. They know women in their 30s generally aren't messing around (not that it necessarily means they are ready to start popping out babies). I'm 34 and had a good response when opening up my online dating pool to younger guys this time around. Currently dating someone who is 30.
@patrick butler The reason why they won't do it is because there's no way Gaikowski can be the Zodiac (he was out of the state during at least one of the murders), and the "informant" who is pushing this theory is a nutjob.
@Paranoid/Drunk AA saved my dad's life. Like you, he knew he had a problem with alcohol, but tried every possible way to get around actually having to quit (e.g., "I just won't drink *vodka* anymore. I'll stick to brandy."). YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE in this. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
@Rick Paulas I am unimpressed with Gaikowski as a suspect and wonder if Voigt is losing his marbles for pushing this theory and playing a long with this "Goldcatcher" character.
Oh yeah. Being "Cool Girl" just means white-knuckling it through a relationship for months at a time. Having panic attacks in the bathroom and then collecting yourself so you seem as calm and open and available as you always are b/c you're *cool.* It's such a force of habit at this point in my life that I'm afraid I can't stop.
@tealily In my opinion, this is a deal breaker. You either need to address this with him (possibly in therapy) or get out. I've been through this experience with someone - I had a family crisis and my ex basically turned into a needy, whining, tantrum-throwing 4 year old. It was such a horrible experience that I couldn't even believe it was happening. Ultimately, I knew it wasn't about me...it was his own issue, his own effed up family history of dysfunction that led him to have this reaction to the most difficult/scary/traumatic thing that ever happened to me, but that still didn't mean it was acceptable. It directly led to our breakup and I'm forever grateful because we were on the fast track to moving in together. Like, he had literally started packing his belongings when this happened. What if this had happened after we moved in together? I would have been majorly effed over because when the shit hit the fan I really really really needed him and the way he acted made me hate him for a long time. I couldn't imagine being stuck with someone like that.
Just because you are capable of being empathetic about the *reason* behind him acting this way doesn't mean it's acceptable or that he's capable of having a healthy relationship. You need to have a healthy relationship before you commit to this guy...not just shrug your shoulders and hope for the best. You deserve better. We ALL deserve better.
I'm not LW#1, but I could be. It hasn't been that long since my last relationship fell apart, but I am trying to get over these bitter, hateful, victim-ish feelings. What he did to me was truly rotten. And he was a BIG LOVE. And he fits this statement - "The smallest change in weather, the tiniest shift in cabin pressure, the most minuscule adjustment in tone or mood sends them running" - to a T. I need to get away from these thoughts I know the breakup was about his emotional stuff and not me...it's just so much easier for me to fixate on the drama that was our breakup.
I'm taking these words to heart, Heather. I have already started thinking about what it would be like to live the rest of my life alone, but I get scared to go down that road and I stop myself. I will try to embrace it...
@Werner Hedgehog Right? Guys with girlfriends hit on you? Join the club! Which also includes every other woman on the planet (and lots of dudes too).