I'm a bit late to the party, but I suggest reading/listening to Buddhist teachings. I've listened to several Pema Chodron lectures and books and find it helpful. As cheesy as it sounds, it's about being present in the current moment, and not constantly living your life in the past and the future, which is something I've struggled with myself. I don't consider myself a Buddhist, but if you can put some of these ideas into practice, it feels like a huge weight being lifted off your shoulders.
Also, everything Polly said. Ask Polly book? Yes, please!
@garlicmustardweed Weak, insecure. That's a good way to put it. Maybe scared too. I had an ex like this. I hung out with his best friend once and only once and the guy was a total monster. The relationship didn't get that far, but I was thinking, "This guy WILL NOT be the best man at my wedding," every time he came up. My ex would just sit there and titter while the best friend offended everyone in the room and used racial slurs, even though he would never use those words himself. When the best friend asked me if I was on my period, my ex apologized to me, but didn't once pop the guy in the mouth as he should have done! I should have walked out then and there, but while it's happening you are so in shock, and after it happens you can't believe it happened in the first place. That's probably one reason why this issue is still on the table years later. My sympathies to you, LW. Be strong!
@117873389@twitter @117873389@twitter Agreed all all points. The sample size, oversampling, and weighting are not concerning to me.
@revengeofpompom & @paddlepickle Pema is great. I listened to a Q&A with her and one woman said that even though she practices her daily meditation, she is her "same old shitty self" (she meant she was still a negative person) and wondered what to do about it. Pema said that she should look at herself as her own dear child who was struggling. How would she treat that child? She would be kind and give her gentle advice. So I guess if you're struggling with being kind, you should be kind to yourself first. Maybe that's just another way of saying that we have learn to accept everything we see in ourselves.
@My Number Is My Address But maturity isn't at all a concern for you.
@Subway Suicide@twitter All I see is 50% of the horizon blocked by concrete.
Life must be very difficult for a person who feels they need to walk around with their mistakes in their faces all day every day. And you seem to admit that yes, they were mistakes. Too bad their's no way to correct mistakes ever, in any way, by rebuilding. Nope. Just too bad.
@Pity_Kitty@twitter Wow...Yeah, I've been there too. The relationship post-mortem phase when I realized how much I covered for him. How much he embarrassed me in public. How much energy I used up trying to make the world a bed of rose petals for him. How every social gathering ended with him telling me that my friends didn't pay enough attention to him. It makes you sick to your stomach.
@PolarSamovar I feel like, in these situations, it's the rational people that think they can rationalize their way into saving the relationship, and it never works. If they could only get therapy, if they could only make their partner see the truth, if I could just explain better, if, if if... The problem is that the other person isn't concerned with being rational. They are concerned with controlling and manipulating, and it's difficult to handle when it's coming at you.
So yes, I like your suggestion. The LW has her head on straight, she just needs to have confidence that YES, IT'S HIM and not her. If she needs a therapist, a friend, whoever, to back her up, that's great. But she should tell someone what's happening. Her boyfriend would love it if she was isolated from her friends and family. It's easier to control that way.
As I sit here at my office, the Prentice Hospital Building is being demolished a half a block away. I get a little jolt of glee every time I see the crumbling structure. I would dance on its grave if it had one. It was truly oppressive and heinous. Here's what the Brutalism advocates get wrong:
"....the nearly fifty-year-old building’s assertive structure has earned the affection of a small number of enthusiasts who embrace its almost oppressively functional style of architecture..."
No. No, it's not functional. I know folks who worked in the old Prentice Hospital, had their babies in the old Prentice Hospital. The consensus is that it was not functional. If the goal of an architect is to balance form and function, the Brutalists tend to be big time failures. My personal experience with Brutalism, the humanities building at the University of Wisconsin, is that it was maze-like, dour, depressing, confusing, unwelcoming, and dark. Pretty much the last place where one would court the creative muse. It was a hulking building with relatively little usable space. The courtyards were what you'd find in a government building behind the Iron Curtain, and consequently, no one ever sat their and enjoyed their lunches. Or if they did sit there, they were probably alone and probably did not enjoy their lunches.