On Polly Asks: New York Magazine Wants Me to Write Ask Polly For Them. Should I Tell Them to Piss Off?
Congratulations, and enjoy all the cheese and pool boys! The Cut is a good site. It can be frustrating that NY Mag shuttles stories about lady issues to it, even if they're politically as important as ones covered on Daily Intelligencer, but it means it's not just clothes and makeup and they cover important issues. What I'll really miss is the commenters here, y'all added so much value every week. I hope people follow you over there and wade into the comments. I've been an occasional commenter there since Gossip Girl days, and it can be a great group. Fewer comment on The Cut, their system gets as many complaints as any, and they have a couple resident trolls on the site of the highest level of cray cray. As in, they have a whole site dedicated to mocking other long-time commenters and threatening to dox them. I won't bother posting user names as they're due to be banned and come back with new ones any moment now, but you'll recognize their style quickly. It's not worth engaging with them, just tag offensive comments as such and move along. But please, do come play over there folks, this column just won't be the same without y'all.
I almost get Apple trying to keep people from cussing on their phones, other than it's being useless and stupid. What gets me is that they're used by doctors for medical reference and autocorrect doesn't recognize words like penis or condom and likes to autofill vagina to vaginitis. Which it just did for me. It's like your phone has a little republican lawmaker in it, getting all red faced that you dare talk about lady parts.
Run. Get out, block his number, cut out mutual friends if they don't get that this guy is trouble. I'm kinda amazed I'm the first person to say this guy is abusive, because this guy is fucking textbook abusive. He is messing with your head, making you insecure, making you cut yourself off from friends, and he is abusing you. People wonder how smart, capable women end up in abusive relationships and it's because these guys are smart and charming and know how to pick a victim and how to break her down so she is too broken and confused to run. When it's good, you feel amazing, he's wonderful and funny and charming and everything is golden. Then it all goes to hell and you're rocky and scared, but he's nice again soon and that's like balm on a wound, it feels so good you start to forget and think it wasn't so bad after all. Yes, yes it was. He hasn't hit you yet, and he may never get to that point. My abusive ex only hit me a couple times, the way he kept me unstable but sure I was damaged goods that no one else would want caused long term damage I'm still dealing with over a decade later. Please, get out before you're so messed up by him you wonder if you don't just deserve to be treated like shit.
Los Angeles also has alternate-side parking, and it's harder there to get by without a car than in NYC. I lived in LA for 14 years and had to deal with street parking for most of it. If you got home after 7 the night before street cleaning, you were driving blocks away to find a spot. Once, a friend staying with me played rock, scissors, paper for the last spot in the area. The first place I lived had some Armenian mafia presence and they would menace people trying to park in spots they wanted. And double parking? Forget it. You were lucky if you could leave your car with the hazards on long enough to unload groceries before a cop came and told you to move. Then there's West Hollywood, an area with so many parking restrictions you find yourself checking signs half a block in each direction any time you find a space, because you can't believe it's legal. And you're not doing this as someone with lots of spare time, this is while working long hours and commuting, and it's the norm for much of the people in the city.
@sophiah I think, from my experience with similar parents, this is less "sharp knife" and more "codependent as fuck." Boundaries are very good, but as your mom has never had them or respected yours, it's going to be hard to institute them now. But try. When you tell her you are not the right person to talk to about something and she keeps going, shut her down. Tell her you need to stop the conversation and then do it, say goodbye and hang up. It's hard, it's messy, and she's not going to be happy about it, but your well-being is worth it. I'm having to learn to do it, I moved back home, too. Two doors down from my parents. My dad had to talk to me every day when I lived halfway across the country, now he comes over. I pick my battles, currently I'm fighting "I get to choose where I go to grad school because it's my life and my loan debt," over, "I'd really prefer you not come over every night at 10 when I'm trying to wind down to go to sleep." I'll get to it, eventually. You'll know which battles to attack first, but that first time you shut her down and hang up? It's pretty damn amazing.
I stole a book once. I was a toddler and didn't know better. My parents went back and paid for it. Still have it somewhere, book of fairy tales.
My internship was a summer of 40 hours weeks as an unpaid office assistant at an independent production company trying, and failing, to get a feature made. I learned how not to run a company, and that complaining to my boss about his writing partner staring at my breasts led to a discussion of my breasts, not the end of such behavior.
This, oh this, is why I love your writing so much Richard. From a fellow weirdo who found refuge with the drama geeks, thank you for saying it better than I ever could have done.
Except now we have to get it from the parents and the kids. Luckily we're too apathetic to care.
Seriously. We've been fucked by the Boomers for decades. I thought getting one of us in the White House might finally get them to STFU. Nope. Can't they just retire already. Wait, then we'll have to read a zillion stories about retirement. Boomers don't think the Millennials are entitled, they're just annoyed they're stealing their schitk and grabbing all the attention away from them.