@Niko Bellic Thanks for your perspective and sharing your side, too.
@Niko Bellic Can't something be both sucky and good at the same time? Why does it have to be one or the other? It's just like anybody else's stupid baggage. You can still love somebody completely and still be disappointed that pieces are missing. You're right, I said that planning it sucks, and that was wrong - some parts of it suck, most of it is great. I think that your comment to the letter writer and Polly about needing to grow up shuts down their ability to see both sides of the situation - "shut up, don't complain, deal with it."
A friend of mine's dad used to be a divorce lawyer and when he found out my folks were divorced, he and I had conversations about it - he has moved onto other cases because he couldn't stand dealing with divorcing people because it was too depressing. He shared with me an interesting insight - that so many parents feel guilty about splitting up that they spit out shit to their kids like, "You get TWO houses and TWO Christmases! More parents to love you! You could have a dog at your moms house AND your dads house if you wanted!" and the kids are just inundated with these ideas that divorce is a good thing - this happened in my childhood, this could be different now - and the kid thinks that they must be the crazy one, they must be the one not getting it because to them, they just want their family back together, their world has just fallen apart.
What I mean to say about that is - can't you just relent and say that yeah, we all have to grow up and put aside each other's baggage and deal with what's in front of you, and sometimes part of what's in front of you kind of sucks. ANd it sucks that this letter writer or Polly (I forget who said it) feel that way, and it's normal, instead of saying that they just need to grow the fuck up.
@Kate Baum@facebook And frankly, I think that trying to whittle down "plan my wedding" to mean something as simple as what color napkins to buy is insulting to both the letter writer and the Polly, who are clearly emotionally invested, thoughtful and interesting people who are trying their damnndest to make things work in an imperfect and difficult world, taking ownership of their own faults and shortcomings, and are just trying to figure things out so they can have some kind of happiness.
@Niko Bellic No, as someone who is dating a divorced guy, I can tell you that planning my wedding sucks for that exact reason. Planning a wedding is inviting everyone you love and care about to celebrate starting a life together, a life that you hope, pray and dream will last until you die. It is shitty to have someone that you love standing in front of you at the altar who you are committing to, you are taking that huge freaking risk with, knowing that it could fail, in fact, it has failed before, and you don't know if it's because the person you're marrying is really the issue (who knows who's to blame?) or if everyone around you thinks that it's a big joke. I'm not saying that everyone deserves to blow a bunch of money they don't have or be a princess that everyone bows down to, but there is something inherently, if not important then understandable about wanting to start your life together figuring things out for the first time. It's a loss. It's the same way marrying somebody with children can feel like a loss, you didn't get a chance to see your partner fall in love with their child, you didn't get to see them learn what it was like to be a father, you didn't get to experience any of that with them. It sucks. It's okay, and and going into the relationship one can't dwell on it, but don't you dare claim that because someone is disappointed about this that it's because they haven't "grown up."
@Liz81 Ok, I take back my never split custody of the dog comment below. Maybe sometimes split custody if you guys are normal human beings who can figure it out without getting all up in each other's shit type of people.
That said - never have custody of a dog. If you are in a couple and you want a dog, one person gets the dog. One person pays for the dog. One person raises the dog. One person walks the dog more often than not in the bitter bitter cold. That's the person who gets to keep the dog if you break up. The other person just gets all the benefits of having a dog, like the house covered in blonde hair, water drops on the floor from the food dishes, etc.
@Niko Bellic Or, he stood in front of all of his friends and family and committed himself to one woman, and that failed? And now if I stand up there and commit to him, is it going to fail again? Is it all a farce? Seriously, grow the fuck up. It's not just about wearing a pretty dress and drinking champagne.
@EllieK I agree - that's what was so strange about this article - that they want to skewer unpaid internships (as they should be skewered) but instead focus on Disney, which is actually doing something right.
I still can't wrap my brain around the "teaches them next to nothing" in the Disney College Program paragraph. I literally got the entire foundation of my career from the DCP - as did quite a few of my friends who have either stayed on and still work for the company (in Florida and a couple who are now working in California) or returned home to good careers. Then again, we were students who took classes (not for credit; I'd graduated), networked and learned as much about the business as we could.
I completed two Disney internships and had great experiences. We were paid - minimum wage but we had enough to get by, and the cost of housing MORE than covered the apartment and amenities, considering everything except food was included. My second professional internship was more competitive, paid much better (I think it was in the $12-15/hr range) and when I moved back to my home state of Maine, I literally had a CEO create a temporary marketing position in his company simply because Disney was on my resume - no lie. I also learned SO MUCH about the company and how much they do "right" in the (business) world. I now work in higher ed and urge students to consider the Disney College Program and Professional Internships.