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On How To Install A Soda Fountain In Your Own Home

I WANT TO MURDER HIM FOR BEING SO WRONG ABOUT DIET COKE CANS

Posted on September 23, 2013 at 3:54 pm 0

On Ask Polly: Should I Give In And Be The Other Woman?

THE BONERSHRINKER

Posted on July 31, 2013 at 2:46 pm 5

On Ask Polly: I'm Almost 30 And I'm Terrified Of Losing My Looks

lollll "the noble pone"

Posted on July 17, 2013 at 5:03 pm 3

On Ask Polly: I'm Almost 30 And I'm Terrified Of Losing My Looks

Ah, my face. My face, my face, my oldest and my only friend. Where were you when the mountains rose up out of the sea so they could admire their stern and rockbound reflections? Nowhere. But my face was there. Where were you when the mighty larch, the noble pone, the sky-bound sequoia thrust themselves out of the black and stinking ground to glory in the light of the sun? Staring, whimpering and afraid. But my face was there, looking amazing. When my face leaves, all wonder and joy will depart from the world, and I shall term myself Ichabod, for truly has glory left the house of Israel.

I will make myself a house of stones and leaves, and live by the river, and be silent, when my face has gone.

My beautiful, very beautiful face, that is so beautiful.

Posted on July 17, 2013 at 5:03 pm 8

On Who Are You Awl?

@saythatscool oh my god shouldn't you be, I don't know, too busy with your new job to be commenting in this dead thread?

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 11:46 pm 1

On What A Pack Of Cigarettes Costs Now, State By State

@La Cieca "A couple of" aren't they the only editors at the Awl?

Posted on July 12, 2013 at 12:52 pm 1

On Stupid Striking BART Union Doesn't "Get" Silicon Valley Values

Should have read "any jury duty."

Posted on July 8, 2013 at 2:48 pm 0

On It's The Toast

@Gef the Talking Mongoose Wait til you hear how much thetoast.com would have cost! And the thousands of actually garbage other names we came up with.

Posted on July 1, 2013 at 2:36 pm 0

On It's The Toast

@petejayhawk How DARE you. We love our Law Poppa. Love me, love my STC, and his creepy van.

Posted on July 1, 2013 at 1:33 pm 2

On It's The Toast

This is not helping my case with my older relatives who had a hard time understanding why I quit my job to make a website in the first place. "So it's on today? I can go see the website, finally?"

"Oh, not now, exactly. It's - have you ever heard of a brute-force hack?"

"Honey, why isn't your site up? It's only your first day. People are going to want to see your website."

"I know, we're working with the hosting service and -"

"Mallory, did you know your website isn't working? I can't see anything."

I AM A PROFESSIONAL BUSINESS WOMAN

Posted on July 1, 2013 at 12:58 pm 5