@petejayhawk How DARE you. We love our Law Poppa. Love me, love my STC, and his creepy van.
This is not helping my case with my older relatives who had a hard time understanding why I quit my job to make a website in the first place. "So it's on today? I can go see the website, finally?"
"Oh, not now, exactly. It's - have you ever heard of a brute-force hack?"
"Honey, why isn't your site up? It's only your first day. People are going to want to see your website."
"I know, we're working with the hosting service and -"
"Mallory, did you know your website isn't working? I can't see anything."
I AM A PROFESSIONAL BUSINESS WOMAN
Yes, a big problem here is the assumption that most women will say no the way these men imagine that they themselves would say no in a similar situation. For a lot of women, a lot of the time, they will say no in a form they would recognize. If I am not responding verbally, if I am pushing your hand away, if I am twisting my body to avoid your touch, if I shut down when you kiss me, you should recognize that as a no. I would recognize that as a no, if you did that in response to my touch.
Part of what this doesn't take into account is how difficult it is to introduce a forceful, permanent NO into an evening where someone has been consistently and repeatedly and in a thousand tiny ways, encroaching on your boundaries and touching you and speaking to you in ways that make you feel uncomfortable. It's the series of escalations from someone you thought of as a friend, or at least friendly, that push you and push you until all of a sudden you feel like you're in a situation you never wanted or invited but you're so confused as to how you got there that you don't know how to say no.
Obviously it is a good thing for women to feel strong and self-aware enough to be able to declare "no" in the middle of these situations anyway, but a lot of the time that is what these series of physical escalations are designed to take away from you. Wouldn't it be strange to just blurt out No, now, when he obviously thinks you're okay with all of this. Maybe he'll realize that since I'm not really enjoying myself or saying anything, he'll let it go. Maybe he'll stop. He hasn't listened to any of my earlier signals, and I don't know what to do.
Maria, this interview makes me so sad.
You'll have your eyes opened for you, my friend.
"I have my eyes open."
"Oh yeah? Well, stick around. Don't go on any long trips."
"I don't know what you mean."
"I know you don't. That's the point. I'll say no more."
"You haven't said anything!"
"And that's all I'm saying."
And every bit as important.
"Kenneth Branagh's ex-wife." You have lost me forever, sir.
"I didn't tweet it at anybody." BRET
@SidAndFinancy You mean zie wouldn't stand for it.
This happens every now and again, and I'm always so curious how someone doesn't realize this has been crossposted from the Awl!