On Ask Polly: I'm Almost 30 And I'm Terrified Of Losing My Looks

Ah, my face. My face, my face, my oldest and my only friend. Where were you when the mountains rose up out of the sea so they could admire their stern and rockbound reflections? Nowhere. But my face was there. Where were you when the mighty larch, the noble pone, the sky-bound sequoia thrust themselves out of the black and stinking ground to glory in the light of the sun? Staring, whimpering and afraid. But my face was there, looking amazing. When my face leaves, all wonder and joy will depart from the world, and I shall term myself Ichabod, for truly has glory left the house of Israel.

I will make myself a house of stones and leaves, and live by the river, and be silent, when my face has gone.

My beautiful, very beautiful face, that is so beautiful.

Posted on July 17, 2013 at 5:03 pm 8

On Who Are You Awl?

@saythatscool oh my god shouldn't you be, I don't know, too busy with your new job to be commenting in this dead thread?

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 11:46 pm 1

On What A Pack Of Cigarettes Costs Now, State By State

@La Cieca "A couple of" aren't they the only editors at the Awl?

Posted on July 12, 2013 at 12:52 pm 1

On Stupid Striking BART Union Doesn't "Get" Silicon Valley Values

Should have read "any jury duty."

Posted on July 8, 2013 at 2:48 pm 0

On It's The Toast

@Gef the Talking Mongoose Wait til you hear how much thetoast.com would have cost! And the thousands of actually garbage other names we came up with.

Posted on July 1, 2013 at 2:36 pm 0

On It's The Toast

@petejayhawk How DARE you. We love our Law Poppa. Love me, love my STC, and his creepy van.

Posted on July 1, 2013 at 1:33 pm 2

On It's The Toast

This is not helping my case with my older relatives who had a hard time understanding why I quit my job to make a website in the first place. "So it's on today? I can go see the website, finally?"

"Oh, not now, exactly. It's - have you ever heard of a brute-force hack?"

"Honey, why isn't your site up? It's only your first day. People are going to want to see your website."

"I know, we're working with the hosting service and -"

"Mallory, did you know your website isn't working? I can't see anything."


Posted on July 1, 2013 at 12:58 pm 5

On Ken Hoinsky On Seduction, Women And Mistakes

Yes, a big problem here is the assumption that most women will say no the way these men imagine that they themselves would say no in a similar situation. For a lot of women, a lot of the time, they will say no in a form they would recognize. If I am not responding verbally, if I am pushing your hand away, if I am twisting my body to avoid your touch, if I shut down when you kiss me, you should recognize that as a no. I would recognize that as a no, if you did that in response to my touch.

Posted on June 24, 2013 at 1:44 pm 10

On Ken Hoinsky On Seduction, Women And Mistakes

Part of what this doesn't take into account is how difficult it is to introduce a forceful, permanent NO into an evening where someone has been consistently and repeatedly and in a thousand tiny ways, encroaching on your boundaries and touching you and speaking to you in ways that make you feel uncomfortable. It's the series of escalations from someone you thought of as a friend, or at least friendly, that push you and push you until all of a sudden you feel like you're in a situation you never wanted or invited but you're so confused as to how you got there that you don't know how to say no.

Obviously it is a good thing for women to feel strong and self-aware enough to be able to declare "no" in the middle of these situations anyway, but a lot of the time that is what these series of physical escalations are designed to take away from you. Wouldn't it be strange to just blurt out No, now, when he obviously thinks you're okay with all of this. Maybe he'll realize that since I'm not really enjoying myself or saying anything, he'll let it go. Maybe he'll stop. He hasn't listened to any of my earlier signals, and I don't know what to do.

Maria, this interview makes me so sad.

Posted on June 24, 2013 at 1:32 pm 37

On Danny Aiello Is 80

You'll have your eyes opened for you, my friend.
"I have my eyes open."
"Oh yeah? Well, stick around. Don't go on any long trips."
"I don't know what you mean."
"I know you don't. That's the point. I'll say no more."
"You haven't said anything!"
"And that's all I'm saying."

Posted on June 20, 2013 at 1:17 pm 1