Oh honey! Oh honey honey honey. Really wish I could give you a hug right now.
Good for you on calling your therapist. You've already changed your path by doing that. @gulleyjimson was absolutey right in asking that bigger question: Why do you want to forget yourself? Being completly honest and vulnerable with your therapist will help her/him figure out what tools to equip you with, and how to teach them to you so you're able to protect yourself.
In order to detox from the regular influx of alcohol, I strongly suggest seeing a physician. Your body will physically react to the lack of alcohol, and this can cause much of the anxiety and physical/mental discomfort you're feeling when you're not drinking. Withdrawl is dinstinctly unpleasant, but it doesn't have to be quite so much so.
Be honest with your sisters. They may be a help to you, either to support you emotionally or to spend some time with you in the evenings when you usually drink.
But what to do right this instant? Get outside. Go for a walk. Pump your arms, and work some of that anxiety out. Take deep breaths of delicious air. While walking, pay attention to your thoughts. Smack the negative thoughts in the face with a big stop sign. Focus on beautiful, lovely, positive ideas and thoughts. And smack those negative thoughts in the face again because they will interrupt your lovely thoughts again and again. That's the practice.
Brene Brown has some really wonderful TED talks, where I wrote down this quote: "How do you numb your vulnerability? When you're doing that you're also numbing joy."
Your alcoholism (yes, you, OWN it. it is not shameful.) is HOLDING YOU BACK. It is sneaky. Conniving. Persuasive. It tells you that everything is okay. And that PREVENTS you from fixing what is making you self-protective, anxious, and unhappy. Don't let it chain you to that space, breathing the same murky air, thinking the same shameful thoughts. It is quite literally poisining you.
Here is Brene's TED talk on vulnerability:
Sending so much love and support to you!!! xoxoxoxox
I love you Awl so, so much for this. For realsies, the CGI baby-smirk at the end, when Tay Tay "imprints", was they tryin to make that baby sexy?
Cause it was.