On How to Deal with Enormous Dying Bugs in Your Apartment

@jolie Someone once told me never to squash them with your shoe because, if the bug happens to be a female, you will walk around tracking roach eggs all over your apartment. Whether or not this is true, I am so horrified by it that I just drench them in roach spray and hope for a quick exit from this mortal coil.

Posted on July 27, 2011 at 5:45 pm 0

On Legs & Scenery: Watching "Sarah Palin's Alaska"

She built that fence so high that she can no longer see Russia.

Posted on November 15, 2010 at 5:16 pm 0

On Freakshow: Two Humans Can Stand Each Other for 62 Years

"Boris Karloff was also there, but the two spent the evening talking to each other."

This story was lovely enough to distract me from the epically bad hair day I'm having.

Posted on June 28, 2010 at 4:12 pm 0

On Woman Dressed In Sumo Suit Stars In Story For The Ages

Also, how did she get in the door in the first place? Did she have to carry a bicycle pump (in her non-Ice sleeve, of course)?

Posted on June 25, 2010 at 12:47 pm 0

On Writers, Your Time Is Running Short

I agree! Go for it, Balk. I can't wait until I can describe other people's work as "Balkian".

Posted on June 11, 2010 at 2:41 pm 0

On The "Glee" Season Finale: Illuminate Your Own Banality

"As a precautionary measure I put my goggles on, so my shirt wouldn't get bleached from the salt in my tears. Then I just put cut a hole in a tarp to put over my head when the goggles filled up and tears started squirt out the side all over the place."

Me too. The thing about this show is that while I'm weeping copiously, I'm also fully aware of how emotionally manipulative GLEE is. And I just keep on weeping.

Posted on June 10, 2010 at 3:46 pm 0

On A 'Sex And The City 2' Review By Two Actual Straight Men

You forget Ron Livingston's brief turn as Carrie's boyfriend. I'm very attracted to his eyebrows.

Posted on May 28, 2010 at 4:38 pm 0

On Inside "American Idol": Flesh Against the Barricades

Seeing Sir Anthony Hopkins in the audience a few weeks ago was a little surreal.

Posted on May 27, 2010 at 12:46 pm 0

On Apartment's Ameneties Include Nice View, Wind Tunnel Simulator

Jake: How often does the train go by?
Elwood: So often you won't even notice it.

Posted on May 17, 2010 at 5:05 pm 0

On Andy Stern, You Were Never Ruthless Enough

Seriously, good freaking riddance. While I am totally in favor of pouring union resources into organizing, SEIU's practice of selling some groups out in order to organize other groups really doesn't serve the labor movement very well.

Posted on April 13, 2010 at 6:00 pm 0