@Clarence Rosario : I JUST NEVER TURN IT OFF SO MY TEXTS LOOK LIKE THEY CAME FROM YOUR GRANDMA. HOPE YOU GOT THE TEN DOLLARS ($10) I SENT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY, LOVE NANA.
Alright, you guys caught me: I never had pine mouth.
I spent 17 hours trying to get my car registered in NYC due to the simple, elegant fact that my hyphenated last name is so long, it gets truncated at different points depending on the form I've filled out. At one point, I went outside, stared at Horace Greeley, and screamed "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SO SMUG ABOUT?!!" before my girlfriend force-fed me bibimbap and xanax.
I find it impossible to write fiction set after the invention of the motor-car. Who wants to hear endless tedious descriptions of how the character listened to some dreadful talk radio station for 43 minutes while driving to work? How can we justify characters not being able to travel to the next town over, or build an important plot point out of having forgotten an important item at home during a light snowstorm? When, but on a long and intimate carriage ride, do we get a chance for two people to just sit and *communicate* without distraction?
That would have made SO much difference.
Ooooh! My favorite time of year is when people fight about movies in The Awl's comments section.
Aliens is the best space movie of all time.
What the fuck is the matter with you, bro?
Gravity is so obviously and blatantly emotionally effective and affective that I hate it. Okay, sure!
@Gef in the future, we will have only grammar police and no grammar citizens.
TROLL TROLL TROLL GO BACK UNDER YOUR BRIDGE TROLL.
OK, did you do it? Maybe you imagined an immigrant taxi driver or a black single mother in the Bronx or a Staten Island garbage man.
Now: imagine that person complaining about "hipsters" on an Internet forum.