On Ask Polly: My Best Friend Likes A Guy That I Really Want To Get With
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMHtQciJG-k
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On The Beginning of Big Data
It's pronounced daa-tuh, not day-tuh. And "beeg", like the porno site. Beeg daa-tuh esta aqui! Beeg daa-tuh samba pa ti! Beeg daa-tuh wet nursery!
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On Hair Is Wasted On The Hairful
I feel like this should have been posted on The Hairpin.
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On A Year Without Internet
I went a whole year without saying things were like other things. It was a lot like this.
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On The Shocking Truth About Adderall, Twitter And The Kids Who Use Both
The first thing I do when stricken with influenza is pop an adderall and then twat about it.
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On The Complete Glossary of Hipster Hallmarks
Hipsters are:
1. Young people from 10 years ago.
2. Something Buzzfeed makes fun of to get the low-hanging ad dollars.
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On Buying Music On Your Computer Is Old
Indeed, the last 10 years has been a broad swath of tedium and misery dotted by the occasional transcendent sexual experience. But I have managed to never use the itunes store. So I have that to keep me warm at night...
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On Two Millennia Of Our Species' Struggle To Express The Experience Of Existence Through Art Finally Finds Resolution In The Popularity Of A Cat That Can't Shut Its Mouth
I'm excited for a future where we celebrate hilariously adorable human genitals as they go about their days.
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On Would You Like To Own This Wacky Telegram From Ernest Hemingway?
If this were a telegram it'd have the word "stop" throughout. Also Bugs Bunny would deliver it and then it would explode.
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On Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: Study
After a breakup, I am a sad and lonely digital masturbater.