I feel like we get a lot of letters from people being like "but we've been together X years and we live together and he's/she's my support and blah blah!"
But...so what? It's not like you get a magical token for every year you're in a relationship or that once you pass a certain level of involvement, you can't ever extricate yourself from that person.
In fact, your reward for sticking it out another year is Another Year of This Bullshit.
Yes, having children with someone means they're going to be in your life more or less forever in some form, but the rest are logistics. If you live together, you can move out. If you own property together, you can split it up. Just because you've been! together! for! six! years! doesn't mean you're doomed to be together forever. Consider it release for time served and GTFO.
I just finished reading J.K. Rowling's The Casual Vacancy, and it has two characters in it that are basically the LW and her vampire. LW, if you're reading these comments, I'd highly recommend you checking it out.
@Anarcissie You sound really proud of being people repellant.
Hah! Every since I realized that I didn't want to be "challenged" by someone I was in a relationship with, my life became so much more peaceful. I want someone I can fall into, like a broken-down, comfortable couch, with no pointy edges.
Ehh, I had a friend like LW #2's friend. I just accepted that she'd vanish when she coupled up and reappear when they split demanding to hang out all the time. I waited a couple years and she grew out of it. She's always going to spend more time with her SO than I would with mine, but eventually she realized that our relationship was a constant she could depend on, and I had enough other friends and activities to not just be depending on her for friendship.
It's kind of an unfortunate character trait but I don't think it's a friendship-ender, unless she does something super shitty like cancel on an expensive nonrefundable vacation because of a dude.
@scrooge True fact!
Here's a little story for you: a friend mine became involved with a married man who was in a very similar situation (young kids, wife disinterested in sex, yadda yadda) and they had an affair for about a year. He and his wife ended up working on their marriage and he ended the affair.
Fine and dandy, right? Except that he'd told my friend repeatedly that he'd be leaving his wife when the kids were older, etc. etc. He actually thought she'd be thrilled that he and his wife were giving it another go.
To say she was peeved at being dumped was...an understatement.
She emailed the wife. With photos.
I'm not defending what she did (either the affair or the tattle). I'm just saying, if this guy thinks he can noodle around diddling other women without any consequences, he doesn't know human nature very well. Say the mistress gets too clingy/needy/whatever and he wants to break it off? It's not going to be hard for her to find a way to contact his wife. I think my friend just googled her and found a work email.
Point being, people don't just show up when you want them to and leave when you don't want them anymore.
LW#1, you also need to take steps to protect your assets. Get a safety deposit box where you can keep your checks, important documents, etc. If your parents have any access to your bank accounts or could get access, move your money now. Stop getting paper bills at your house (get them sent to a PO Box). The sentence about them demanding her savings sent off huge klaxon warning sounds. Depression and anxiety aside (and I say this as a person with very severe clinical depression and an anxiety disorder) you must, must take steps to protect yourself. You may also want to look into finding someone who can advocate for you, either through guidance services at your school or through a counselor.
So, my older brother was an accident, and I was planned because my mom "didn't want him to be an only child."
My brother and I are pretty much diametrical opposites, are not friends, and really don't like each others' company, and we never have, and I don't think that's ever going to change.
Having a second kid because you don't want an only child? Your mileage may vary.
God, why didn't someone sit me down at 24 and give me Polly's advice about work?! Seriously, I could have avoided several traumatic work experiences by having someone tell me that.
This is a great article.
Personally, I really like the Google books snippets. I often buy or check out books after reading the snippets from Google books. I don't think this limited preview is harmful to the authors, in my opinion.
Our copyright laws need some dang cleaning up, though, particularly since they haven't changed enough to keep up with changing technology.
I want authors to get paid for their work - I want them to get paid enough to live on and to keep producing books for me, and I don't like the idea of a large monopoly (because really, when has monopoly ever been good for competition?) controlling the publishing industry.