Voicemails From The Terrifying Future

In 2022, fires will destroy over 2,025 acres of Texas. In 2048, the Glacier Land Resort will open for people looking to see what life was like before the glaciers melted. In 2049, the Smithsonian—no longer open to the public—will feature a preserved hummingbird in their archives, the last proof of their species ever existing. READ MORE

Will The Real Zodiac Killer Please Stand Up?

On Wednesday, the identity of the Zodiac Killer was finally revealed: It was Louis Myers, only 17 when he began the killings, who confessed from his deathbed back in 2001. In 2012, the identity of the Zodiac Killer was finally revealed: It was George Russell Tucker, a pseudonym for a then-recently-diseased 91-year-old former real estate salesman from Fairfield, California. In 2009, the identity of the Zodiac Killer was finally revealed: It was Guy Ward Hendrickson, a carpenter who brought his 7-year-old along for the ride during the killings. READ MORE

Goodbye To The Best Show, Which Was "The Best Show on WFMU"

A few years ago, I changed cable providers. While the procedure's been streamlined over the years to where it's relatively painless, a sadistic remnant still remains: The vague installation time window. So one day, AT&T asked me to stay home for a six-hour period on a weekday. Luckily, I'd just quit my job. I had plenty of time to spare. READ MORE

"Gravity" Is A Transcendent Piece Of Crap

A couple of years ago, when a terrible break-up left me desperate to fill up all of my newfound free time with social interaction, I went over to a friend's house and watched him play Grand Theft Auto. After I saw him drive through a bunch of beautifully-designed streets, rob some girls with digits-in-all-the-right-places, and shoot a rocket launcher at a fleet of cop cars, I went home. I learned a valuable lesson that mind-numbing night: No matter how perfectly-orchestrated the sound, no matter how artistically-chiseled the graphics, no matter how hair-trigger the gameplay, watching someone else play a video game is boring. READ MORE

Weiner Takes All: A Panel Discussion of People Named Weiner and Wiener

I. On The Battle

Brett Weiner (WHY-ner), director/writer/producer: WEE-ner is a much more make-funable name than WHY-ner. WHY-ner is also not great. Because any time you complain, you get it used against you. But WEE-ner's like... it's a dick. So, your last name means “a dick.” READ MORE

Inside America's Ghost Tour Industry

If you're a man driving alone on a certain stretch of Archer Avenue on Chicago's South Side, you may see a teenage girl on the side of the road, thumb out, trying to hitch a ride. If you stop for her—which, being a concerned citizen, you'll consider—you'll notice her outfit's a bit dated: a white formal dress and the kind of dancing shoes you might find in the back of your grandma's closet. There's something a little bit off about her, but you can't quite place what it is. READ MORE

"Carnivàle" Broke My Heart

In my opinion, this is the most beautiful sequence ever aired on television: READ MORE

San Francisco's Baffling Jejune Institute Gets A Documentary

The toughest part of writing about San Francisco's Jejune Institute "thing" was trying to describe it, something I attempted to do for this site twice. In a first piece about the citywide game, which was put on by a group called Nonchalance, I went with "[p]art public-art installation, part scavenger hunt, part multimedia experiment, part narrative story." For the follow-up, I added "underground alternate reality game" to the mix. Both summaries missed the mark, partly because of my own inadequacies as a writer, but also a symptom of the project's sprawling originality—it wasn't like anything else out there, and that was part of what made it so fantastic. Thankfully, Spencer McCall went ahead and made The Institute, a 90-minute documentary about the project that neatly encapsulates what made this whole whatever-it-was so wonderful. READ MORE

The Smashing Pumpkins, 1991-2000, In Order

151. “French Movie Theme”
150. “Annie-Dog”
149. “Pastachio Medley”
148. “The Boy”
147. “Bugg Superstar
146. “Spaced”
145. “Pulseczar”
144. “A Night Like This”
143. “Take Me Down”
142. “Shame”
141. “Glass and the Ghost Children”
140. “Medellia of the Gray Skies”
139. “Rotten Apples”
138. “La Dolly Vita”
137. “Meladori Magpie”
136. “The Bells”
134. “Tonite Reprise”
133. “Blank”
132. “Pennies”
131. “Here's to the Atom Bomb”
130. “Marquis in Spades”
129. “Soul Power”
128. “Believe”
127. “Speed Kills”
126. “Tribute to Johnny”
125. “Le Deux Machina”
124. “Jupiter's Lament”
123. “Farewell and Goodnight”
122. “Go”
121. “Why Am I So Tired”
120. “The Tale of Dusty & Pistol Pete”
119. “My Blue Heaven”
118. “You're All I've Got Tonight”
117. “Innosence”
116. “Appels + Orajes”
115. “Let Me Give the World To You”
114. “With Every Light”
113. “Transformer”
112. “The Last Song”
111. “Destination Unknown”
110. “In My Body”
109. “If There Is A God (Full Band)”
108. “If There Is A God (Piano-Vox)”
107. “Lucky 13”
106. “Dreaming”
105. “Bye June”
104. “Tristessa”
103. “Beautiful”
102. “Glass' Theme”
101. “Raindrops + Sunshowers”
100. “The Crying Tree of Mercury”
99. “Clones (We're All)”
98. “The Aeroplane Flies High (Turns Left, Looks Right)”
97. “Daydream”
96. “Blue Skies Bring Tears”
95. “Plume”
94. “White Spider”
93. “Stumbleine”
92. “Saturnine”
91. “Set the Ray to Jerry”
90. “Home”
89. “Cherry”
88. “... Said Sadly”
87. “We Only Come Out At Night”
86. “Slow Dawn”
85. “Try, Try, Try”
84. “Age of Innocence”
83. “Slunk”
82. “Window Paine”
81. “Vanity”
80. “Crestfallen”
79. “The Imploding Voice”
78. “Girl Named Sandoz”
77. “Lily (My One and Only)”
76. “Hello Kitty Kat”
75. “Wound”
75. “Crush”
73. “Heavy Metal Machine”
72. “Mouths of Babes”
71. “The Sacred and Profane”
70. “This Time”
69. “Blew Away”
68. “Perfect”
67. “Ugly”
66. “By Starlight”
64. “Frail and Bedazzled”
63. “Soothe”
62. “Blue”
61. “I of the Mourning”
60. “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness”
59. “God”
58. “Pug”
57. “Cash Car Star”
56. “Dross”
55. “Hummer”
54. “X.Y.U.”
53. “Real Love”
52. “Cupid De Locke”
51. “Untitled”
50. “Tales of a Scorched Earth”
49. “Obscured”
48. “Pissant”
47. “The End is the Beginning is the End”
46. “Behold! The Night Mare”
45. “Snail”
44. “I Am One”
43. “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”
42. “Jellybelly”
41. “Rocket”
40. “Quiet”
39. “Starla”
38. “Spaceboy”
37. “Love”
36. “Stand Inside Your Love”
35. “Siva”
34. “The Everlasting Gaze”
33. “Landslide”
32. “An Ode to No Ode”
31. “Once Upon a Time”
30. “Silverfuck”
29. “In the Arms of Sleep”
28. “Thirty-Three”
27. “Eye”
26. “Geek U.S.A.”
25. “Where Boys Fear to Tread”
24. “Tear”
23. “Sweet Sweet”
22. “To Sheila”
21. “Blank Page”
20. “Bodies”
19. “Ava Adore”
18. “Cherub Rock”
17. “Here Is No Why”
16. “To Forgive”
15. “Zero”
14. “Porcelina of the Vast Oceans”
13. “Daphne Descends”
12. “Today”
11. “Whir”*
10. “Tonight, Tonight”
9. “Rhinoceros”
8. “For Martha”
7. “Muzzle”
6. “Thru the Eyes of Ruby”
5. “Mayonaise”
4. “Galapagos”
3. “Soma”
2. “Disarm”
1. “1979”

* Update: "Drown," mistakenly (and wrongly!) omitted from this list, should appear here.

Related: Pearl Jam Songs, 1991-1996, In Order

Rick Paulas was 15 years old when Mellon Collie came out and, thusly, spent a good portion of his life believing it was the greatest album of all time.

The Cup Of Coffee Club: The Ballplayers Who Got Only One Game

Of the 17,808 players (and counting) who’ve run up the dugout steps and onto a Major League field, only 974 have had one-game careers. In baseball parlance, these single-gamers are known as "Cup of Coffee" players. The number fluctuates slightly throughout each season as new prospects get called up to fill in for injured veterans, or when roster size expands in September. (Last year, for example, Braves rookie Julio Teheran was a Cup of Coffee player for the eleven days between his MLB debut and a spot start.) But staying on the list for an extended period of time is generally not a good sign. It's an ominous one, an indication that something's gone horribly wrong, that however long a person has worked to attain his dreams, all he was allowed was a brief glimpse before the curtain was yanked shut in front of him. The Cup of Coffee club is filled exclusively with people who do not want to be members. READ MORE