Hello. I love you. Won't you tell me your name?

On Toward a Resolution of the Moral Quandary of Eating on the Subway

Eating on the subway is disgusting for everyone involved. Besides, as in all things: ebola.

Posted on October 29, 2014 at 1:45 pm 0

On Dutch Uncles, “In N Out”

Granted, I'm the product of SoCal social programming, but I was expecting the theme music for Double Doubles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOpTv-d8Vfw

Posted on October 22, 2014 at 11:09 am 0

On Shoe Fit

Waitaminute - forget about being a Beatle. He gets to marry Barbara Bach, co-star in The Magic Christian AND be a Sketchers pitchman? He gets all the breaks.

Posted on October 21, 2014 at 8:01 pm 0

On Why My Baby Doesn't Eat Animals

It's at times like these I turn to the great thinkers of the previous century.

Posted on October 17, 2014 at 12:05 am 0

On Where Should We Bury the Dead Racist Literary Giants?

@Ultimo Patriarch@facebook No one said "all his dread came from his racism." However, it's absurd to dismiss his loathesome views of race - which were the only manifestations of evil he could actually articulate (compare and contrast with "non-Euclidean geometries," and "colors beyond description," etc). Moreover, people of color were his go-to superstitious brutes ushering in the horrror, if not the actual products of human congress with interdimensional squid things.

Posted on October 14, 2014 at 8:54 am 0

On Who Leaves Half of Their Dog's Poop Behind on the Sidewalk?

Maybe it's because I've been picking up dog poop 3 times a day for 13 years, and am certainly used to handling it and talking about it (sometimes, in a discourse on consistencies and ingredients), but I wouldn't have had a problem addressing the danger pile with either a loud warning or direct, plastic-bag action. But no one should have to share the city with slobs, and that's why I carry an air horn for punishment.

Posted on October 14, 2014 at 8:43 am 0

On 'Luxury' Redefined

"Cool Luxury" is really the "Smooth Jazz" of "Undersold Inventory."

Posted on October 3, 2014 at 11:20 pm 1

On Where Should We Bury the Dead Racist Literary Giants?

@Non-Anonymous I'd have to disagree. "The Horror at Red Hook" is all about racial loathing (in this case, "swarthy" people from the Mediterranean and Middle East). I'm glad that Ibrahim Sahadi's mark on Brooklyn is lasting, and Lovecraft's is a footnote.

Posted on September 30, 2014 at 7:55 pm 1

On The Useless Crap You Find When You Move

I have a Haunted Carton. It includes the best of refrigerator postings from all of my moves, high school love letters, terrible journals, and college papers on the 17th Century Resolve and Sun Yat-sen. It's a cube of compressed anxiety silently sitting and accusing.

Posted on September 29, 2014 at 3:43 pm 0

On Welcome to Beautiful Laniakea! The Water Is Void and You Are Nothing

Thanks, Obama!

Posted on September 5, 2014 at 1:55 am 0