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On Stories Scary

What? Oh, here's the problem: "The poll found a quarter of parents polled wouldn't consider reading a fairytale to their child until they had reached the age of five, as they prompt too many awkward questions from their offspring." Just start earlier, and ripping open wolves to rescue grandmothers will sound as natural as raindrops.

Posted on February 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm 0

On Heroes And Villains

This is the terrifying thing, to me, about doomsday scenarios on any scale (well, other than the actual doom itself, of course): how fragile civilization is, how easily the time could come when only those willing to behave like animals will survive. Will the pride you take in being above all that keep you from surviving? Or will you shock yourself with the speed at which you are willing to descend into animalistic fury?

Posted on January 23, 2012 at 12:55 pm 0

On Man Likes Coffee

Ah, coffee, so elusive.

Posted on January 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm 0

On The Only Murdering Murder Guide You'll Ever Need, You Murderer

"I want just one to end with like Andy Sipowicz saying to a murderer, “I want you to know that I know that you did it. And I will figure out some way to prove it eventually. So keep looking over your shoulder. Because I’ll be there.”

FYI, on the last page of James Crumley's The Last Good Kiss [SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!]: "Go home and wait for me," I said. "I've got a brand new elk rifle, a 7mm magnum, and some afternoon, some afternoon, you're going to step out on your front deck after a day of scribble, scribble, scribble, and I'm going to put a 175-grain hunk of lead through your gut."

Not quite the same, I guess, but pretty close?

Posted on January 19, 2012 at 1:22 pm 0

On The Didion-Dunnes as Generation-Specific Awful Parents

There are any people who like Toni Morrison? But anyway, think of all the asshole, abusive artists in history, and then imagine how much the world would be ... the same ... if their book/picture/whatever had never been created. Creating a work of art is not worth causing one's own child a single second of pain.

Posted on January 11, 2012 at 11:28 am 1

On Do You Suffer From Lapham's Disease?

I wish.

Posted on January 6, 2012 at 4:26 pm 1

On Old Dogs Are The New Babies

Parents of actual children wish there were some way to skip that first part too.

Posted on September 27, 2011 at 9:50 am 0

On 'Straw Dogs': 40 Years After The Original, It Still Sucks To Be A Man

@hypnosifl Smile when you say that.

Posted on September 27, 2011 at 9:48 am 0

On 'Straw Dogs': 40 Years After The Original, It Still Sucks To Be A Man

@mcx I think the basic difference is that, if a couple is attacked and the man gets horribly beaten, the woman will have emotions of fear, pain, horror, etc, at a loved one being hurt. If the woman gets horribly beaten, the man will have those same emotions plus he will later—even if only in his secret subverted-dominant-paradigm-grad-student-wearing-theory-glasses heart—will also feel he has "failed as a man."

Posted on September 27, 2011 at 9:46 am 0

On The 'Times' Thinks It Might Have (Maybe) Witnessed Police Brutality (Secondhand)

@Niko Bellic Oh, I already am.

Posted on September 27, 2011 at 9:40 am 0