I can’t figure out how old anyone is. I can’t figure out how gay anyone is. On silent subway morning commutes there are no tells. The brogues, desert boots and quickstrike high-tops not only have me manic-fantasy-banging every well-dressed dude on the F BECAUSE IT IS ALL SO GODDAMN GOOD but the fact that so many are suddenly well shod plus the prevalence of hard-bottoms straight CRIPPLES my ability to tell how rich anyone is. READ MORE

Mary HK Choi: Really quick background question: were you prompted to eat Domino's because of their new ad campaign? READ MORE

OK, so admittedly this is totally yesterday but the rumor that January Jones might be tangling junk with Jeremy Piven is SO FUNNY. Because anyone who's disappointed and didn't already think she was exactly this flavor of asshole needs to raise their hands so I can tag them for being losers. In fact, don't raise your hand, I BET I CAN TELL WHO YOU ARE. READ MORE

Let me preface this by saying I don't have any emotional attachments to Macy's stores. I have never seen the parade and neither of my parents have ever taken me there for magical memory making, et cetera. All I know is that the department store is in a neighborhood of Manhattan that feels like punishment and their clothes aren't worth the tourist viruses you have to wade through to get at them because Macy's is also near that one SUPERWalMart Victoria's Secret where there are many people who like to wear things from the Pink collection. In real life. Without dying laughing. You'll identify them by their see-through bra straps. READ MORE

I know nastiness is SO 2009 because 2010 is going to be deep-fried rainbows in effusive sauce but I can't help but be anything besides pshaw at the news that New York City's vintage stores are going out of business. Hey, it's not like I don't enjoy other people's underwear, bias-cut velvet shit, and keen little heels in a women's size 4 AA but um, hi, as far as business models go, I just don't see the appeal of buying pre-owned crap at extortionate prices just because there's a hangtag that says all eight of the shearling vests are from the '70s. I mean, seriously, why so expensive? READ MORE

This movie makes me emo. Thinking about it makes my nose do that chloriney thing you get right before you start crying. I am SO GAY for this movie that I can't stand it. And you know what? Having finally seen it, I don't even care what the haters have to say. I am a happy meniscus that your spite sauce slides off of. I'm lifted. READ MORE

Nine, directed by Rob Marshall, opens in limited release tomorrow. It stars Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Penélope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Judi Dench, Kate Hudson, Sophia Loren, and Stacy Ferguson. READ MORE

"You know that feeling when you're sort of floating around like a ghost and so exhausted that you consider drinking the Lola perfume in your goodie bag at Marc Jacobs? No? Me neither. Except this one time when I went to New York Fashion Week and it was sort of crazy." READ MORE