On Ask Polly: I Feel Bitter About All Of My Exes And I Can't Get Over It!

For LW1 - useful things I did when single for a long time after horrible relationships: When you start thinking about those guys, imagine a big stop sign, or (I had to go a bit further for myself), imagine smashing your fist into their face, and it explodes into a million bits. Interrupt those thought patterns and ask yourself, do I want to give more time in my head to these guys, or would I like to fall asleep thinking about a wonderful man I might meet, or renovating an awesome house, or what cool things I will do on my next holiday?

I also liked 'act as if': act as if you were going to meet the love of your life in a year's time. What would you do in that year knowing that would happen? Makes it easier to enjoy all your single-girl activities.

My now-partner was single for a long time as well and we had a similar journey in terms of wanting to be loved, a lot, and having difficulty enjoying dating due to being rather intense, difficult, anxious personalities. We both found we had to 'love ourselves', dumb as it sounds when I write it here, in order to feel happy. We also worked well together as we both understand what it's like to be intense - I loved what Polly wrote about being an anchovy - THAT'S ME! I used to get so irritated at dating profiles about how guys were looking for a laidback carefree girl who enjoyed a laugh and walking on the beach, I would draft profiles that said I was a highly strung anxiety-head who hated to laugh and would never be caught dead near a beach. It stung a bit more because I really am an anxious person, no one would ever call me laid back. But find another stress head and it's ok. My partner is so 'intense' that his sister tried to warn me about it when we first met! My theory is that since we are both difficult and intense people, we each get the other and what it's like to be that way. So... in conclusion... bringing it back to you... look for people who are like you and who you enjoy... not those who fit a weird ideal. oh god, this is so long, I hope there are some useful things in here!

Posted on August 28, 2013 at 11:45 pm 3

On How Much More Do Bridesmaid Dresses Cost Today?

@vunder I am so with you on both of these. if I got married I would not want bridesmaids as I can't hack the thought of forcing my friends to wear the same dress (and shoes and hair and jewellery argh). if I did have to have bridesmaids I would be like 'wear clothes'.

I am a proud non-participant in bouquet tosses for a good two years now. At one of the nicest weddings I went to, the bride presented her mum with her bouquet as a thankyou. I thanked the bride afterwards for not putting the rest of us through that and the bride, a former long-time single, said, 'Oh of course not! I would never do that to someone else! How awful!'. So lovely.

Posted on June 28, 2012 at 12:17 am 0

On How Much More Do Bridesmaid Dresses Cost Today?

@WaityKatie because life has to be about matching pairs, like we are all animals in the ark.

Posted on June 28, 2012 at 12:12 am 0

On 'Gone With The Wind': Devil In A Black Bombazine Dress

@katward I'm 30, I still think she's a role model - but then I only read this book for the first time 2 years ago?

Posted on May 27, 2012 at 10:47 pm 0

On 'Gone With The Wind': Devil In A Black Bombazine Dress

@Sunday @twitter Fuck yeah, my rant about her is above

Posted on May 27, 2012 at 10:43 pm 0

On 'Gone With The Wind': Devil In A Black Bombazine Dress

@highjump Yes indeed :(

now whoooo wants to put on big white floofy dresses and run off to marry the Tarleton twins (both of 'em!)?


Posted on May 27, 2012 at 10:43 pm 0

On 'Gone With The Wind': Devil In A Black Bombazine Dress

@The Lady of Shalott omg omg omg so awesome yay for discussion time of GWTW!

I was just saying this in another thread on the hairpin the other day, so I'm going to quote/paraphrase myself from there: Melanie is a fucking bitch. Everyone thinks she is Miss Suzy Fucking Sunshine, but a schemer lurks between the mild surface, ready to suck up to and play on others' emotions in order to safeguard her own interests.

I do really love Scarlett - I love her because she is flawed and bitchy and real. I think that because we get all her bitchy inner monologue, it's easy to miss that when things get difficult, many times she chooses to protect or work with Melanie rather than abandon her. and I think that reflects the true nature of their relationship - they weren't :friends:, they were sisters-in-law, and it was a very sisterly relationship. Obligation, tied together in many ways, very different but reliant/loyal to the other one in the difficult times. yes Scarlett would have stolen Ashley if she could, but she couldn't. So Melanie isn't as good as she appears, and Scarlett isn't as bad as she appears, and they balance well.

Ashley Wilkes is a wilting flower, I always wish that Scarlett would wise up years before to this!

The racism is bullshit of course and you have to wade through that :( I did like what someone said above about mitchell being a misanthrope, but still... awful.

Posted on May 27, 2012 at 10:31 pm 0

On How 25 National Magazine Award Nominations Went To 25 Male Writers

I call bullshit. Could all be explained much more simply: 'The system is biased towards these outlets, and they are mostly written about for men, by men.' Whenever someone says 'well the women just aren't there' it's usually a pretty good bet that someone couldn't be bothered to look.

Also, that Kate Bolick piece? Please tell me how that was not 'big, serious, ambitious' reporting? I think that these issues facing women - women who want to get married and have kids but can't (lack of a partner, infertility); women who want to be happily single and not have people call them freaks for it; ditto for women who are partnered but don't want kids - are VERY big, serious and ambitious matters. It's the same as always: women's lives are small, trivial, invisible; the minutiae of men's lives are big, profound, worth examining.

Posted on April 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm 1

On How To Bully Children

@boyofdestiny In Australia, high school is years 7-12 in most states, up until recently was years 8-12 in Queensland, and is years 7-10 in the Australian Capital Territory. In the ACT, years 11-12 are called college.

Posted on March 13, 2012 at 10:14 pm 0

On Cooking Valentine's Dinner With A Kick From Champagne

@s. Yeah, here's hoping the hairpin team are on track for a singles' thread on Valentine's Day...

Posted on February 10, 2012 at 9:44 pm 0