On What Was Money, Part Infinity

Is this one of those "15 Cats Who Think Their Poo Don't Stink" that I read about at the top of theawl.com?

Posted on June 10, 2014 at 3:31 pm 0

On Death to Negronis

Negronis and suit jackets with shorts?

Jeez, fellas. You don't have to cover ALL the greatest hits on day one.

Posted on June 9, 2014 at 1:02 pm 1

On "Porn Star" Colby Keller Gives Away His Instagram; Fans Concerned, Amused, Deflated

I can think of a few things I'd like him to give me.

Posted on June 5, 2014 at 12:45 pm 0

On How To Not Barf

If you grew up in NYC through high school and didn't master the ol' "puke between subway cars" trick, you either didn't have much of a life, or you had a life but went through it puking inside subway cars and everyone hated you.

Posted on April 29, 2014 at 1:31 pm 0

On Population Growing

@Clarence Rosario It's actually all automatically generated by the despairum ipsum machine.

Posted on March 27, 2014 at 1:02 pm 2

On Population Growing

Tell me more about this lunch place that only charges $13 for a salad...

Posted on March 27, 2014 at 1:02 pm 2

On Ask Polly: I'm Turning 30 And Anxiety Is Ruining Me

Here's some advice: skip the first 2,500 words of this response and go straight to "see a therapist." You have anxiety so bad you can't succeed personally or professionally? Don't write to a long-winded advice columnist--see a damn therapist.

Posted on February 5, 2014 at 4:16 pm 0

On How Much More Would You Pay To Feed Your Crippling Amazon Prime Addiction?

Also goes for people addicted to steaming episodes of "Daria" for free

Posted on February 4, 2014 at 3:14 pm 0

On An Oral History Of Gawker, By Reddit

Formerly the internet's #1 resource for Foxy Brown rumors and discussion of clafoutis. No idea what happened to it after that.

Posted on January 28, 2014 at 1:20 pm 2

On Ask Polly: My Parents Don't Want Me To Marry This Short Man And I'm Freaking Out!

'I am curious, I'll admit, what kind of "artistic industry" "raises eyebrows."'

Charitable guess: tattoo artist
Uncharitable guess: sandwich artist

But seriously, lady, your parents are assholes. Whether or not you marry this dude is secondary to whether or not you let their twisted priorities and vulgar snobbery dictate your life choices in general. If I were you, I'd tell them to piss off, get engaged to this guy, and set your wedding date 18 months into the future so that you have time to calm your nerves (or not, as the cast may be).

Posted on January 7, 2014 at 5:26 pm 1