On Scary New Machine-Worship Cult Arises: #NewDigitalAge
Hell, since I discovered tumblr porn, I don't even eat solid food anymore! Thanks, The Machines!
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On Now We Have So Many Bike Racks And No Bikes
The crazy thing about this whole system, to me, is that unless you buy an annual pass, you get charged extra if you ride the bike for more than 30 minutes (and even with the annual pass, it's only 45 mins/ride).
I get that they want to prevent people from hogging one bike all day long, but jeez. It might take me more than 30 minutes to ride from my apartment in Bushwick to my office in midtown. Why should I be penalized for that?
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On Terribly Disfigured Smokers Are TV's Fresh New Stars
The best part about quitting smoking is choosing when and where to smoke. Smoking a pack a day is a real drag, but having a cigarette or two every week once you're three drinks deep is AMAZING.
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On 5000 New York City Pay Phones Transformed Into Time Capsules
I hereby pledge my mayoral vote to the first candidate who promises to make Robin Byrd the default 311 robo-answer voice.
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On A Guide to Hot Airplane Hijackers of the 1970s
Super hot?! I takes all kinds, I guess...
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On Misty-Minded Memories Of The Before-Adele Time
"Justin Timberlake is a man of many lulz." --The Guardian
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On Should You Be Allowed To Work From Home? (Answer: No)
@CaptBackslap His chart is going up. Her chart is going down. They're going to arm wrestle over it, because the office.
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On Ask Polly: Why Do People Always Think I'm Gay?
http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,11150/
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On Gun Violence In America Just Since Friday's Massacre Of Children And Schoolteachers In Newtown
Does this gem not count because he got caught first?
"60-year-old Cedar Lake resident Von I. Meyer was taken into custody Saturday after he said he planned to burn his wife alive and "kill as many people as he could [at nearby Jane Ball Elementary School] before police could stop him." When officers showed up to arrest Meyer, they discovered 47 guns and $100,000's worth of ammunition in his home."
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On Third "Sex and the City" Movie Threatened
I figured out this synopsis was fake when you got to "the office" part.