On Population Growing

@Clarence Rosario It's actually all automatically generated by the despairum ipsum machine.

Posted on March 27, 2014 at 1:02 pm 2

On Population Growing

Tell me more about this lunch place that only charges $13 for a salad...

Posted on March 27, 2014 at 1:02 pm 1

On Ask Polly: I'm Turning 30 And Anxiety Is Ruining Me

Here's some advice: skip the first 2,500 words of this response and go straight to "see a therapist." You have anxiety so bad you can't succeed personally or professionally? Don't write to a long-winded advice columnist--see a damn therapist.

Posted on February 5, 2014 at 4:16 pm 0

On How Much More Would You Pay To Feed Your Crippling Amazon Prime Addiction?

Also goes for people addicted to steaming episodes of "Daria" for free

Posted on February 4, 2014 at 3:14 pm 0

On An Oral History Of Gawker, By Reddit

Formerly the internet's #1 resource for Foxy Brown rumors and discussion of clafoutis. No idea what happened to it after that.

Posted on January 28, 2014 at 1:20 pm 2

On Ask Polly: My Parents Don't Want Me To Marry This Short Man And I'm Freaking Out!

'I am curious, I'll admit, what kind of "artistic industry" "raises eyebrows."'

Charitable guess: tattoo artist
Uncharitable guess: sandwich artist

But seriously, lady, your parents are assholes. Whether or not you marry this dude is secondary to whether or not you let their twisted priorities and vulgar snobbery dictate your life choices in general. If I were you, I'd tell them to piss off, get engaged to this guy, and set your wedding date 18 months into the future so that you have time to calm your nerves (or not, as the cast may be).

Posted on January 7, 2014 at 5:26 pm 1

On Ask Polly: My Mom Keeps Guilting Me About Visiting For Christmas!

Have you thought of nipping at a hip flask for those 48 hours? Just 'cause they don't serve or condone booze doesn't mean you can't drink it, with a little discretion.

Just don't fill the flask with egg nog because that's disgusting.

Posted on December 18, 2013 at 2:01 pm 0

On Chopped Salad Toppings, In Order

@Alex Balk I guess that would explain the completely baffling placement of raw onions above grilled onions, YOU MONSTER

Posted on December 3, 2013 at 2:29 pm 0

On Chopped Salad Toppings, In Order

Bacon and avocado are the foundation of any legit chopped salad. The rest is just noise.

Posted on December 3, 2013 at 1:59 pm 0

On 14 People Who Should Run The 'New York Times' Mag

Now that is some top-notch ass-kissing right there. An ass-kissticle.

Posted on November 12, 2013 at 4:07 pm 0