On Guys Who Smoke Pot Get Off Quickly Or Not At All
Cokeheads on the other hand can only ejaculate after five hours of tantric intercourse followed by two hours of investment banking.
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On Beanie Sigel, "In The Ghetto"
I had a poor friend once. He lived in the ghettoes. I was all "Dude, quit being so poor. Like, just snap out of it." But people like that are totally in denial. I was thinking of staging an intervention for him but his house was kind of small and ugly.
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On "All Wee-Weed Up": A Brief History
Every episode of Masterpiece Theatah should open with your second sentence.
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On Are You And Goldman Sachs Kidding Me, Charlie Gasparino?
This kind of bullshit really fucking offends me. "They don't give a Rat's ass ?" Where do you get off mocking rats, Choire? Rats are fine animals. Their glutes are fragile little dumplings encased in warm, soft fur. Shame on you, Choire for not appreciating that rats matter.
I will never take you seriously from now on. Rat power!
Seriously, touch a rat's ass sometime. Tell me you don't feel aroused.
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On The Uber-Rich Lose All Perspective, Mike Bloomberg Edition
Why aren't you showing us the other photos, Choire?? The one where the Eagle crapped on Mayor Bloomberg. And the one where the Mayor smiled dreamily with eagle poo all over his face. And the secret cellphone vid where the Mayor talks about his deep and abiding love for raptors, and especially Egbert, his secret friend who always wears a white hat?
We want the truth!
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On "All Wee-Weed Up": A Brief History
I use my wee-wee to smoke weed. Whee!
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On Young Bear Dines On Bus Commuters
This is why women should never take the bus. Bears can smell their periods. Just one woman can put a whole bus-stop in jeopardy. In case you know any women, please tell them not to take the subway either. Can you imagine how terrible a bear subway attack can be?