On My Superpower Is Being Alone Forever: Party of One
Hey Joe Berkowitz, my name is Paul Berkowitz. I don't live in NY these days, but when I'm back around, we can go see Dinosaur JR shows and stand next to each other and look like we have friends who come with us to things and then leave and still go home separately and drink canned wine and listen to Disintegration by ourselves. I'm already a champion at the latter, although I prefer boxed wine. And as for the former, that sold out Daft Punk show in Coney Island was worth going to alone. As was the Butthole Surfers reunion and whatever forgettable movies I've gotten a free ticket to. And all those Vice Magazine parties at Glasslands or whatever where they have free liquor so you can go and see some trendy DJ and drink as many miniature Cold 45s as you can in two hours because at least in that case you're not drinking alone, you're drinking "alone."
0
On Happy 6015th Birthday, Planet Earth!
@IBentMyWookie Paradise Lost isn't original text. The Bible describes Eden with physical landmarks. It's probably somewhere around modern day Iraq, formerly Mesopotamia.
As for the rest of the Earth birthday calculations, they're obviously wrong because Rosh Hashannah was two weeks ago and celebrated the 5772nd birthday of the earth. Clearly Bishop Ussher was off by like 43 years and a month or so. Unless Rosh Hashannah came "late" that year.
0
On A Brief Guide to the New New York Rap
I just found out about Maffew Ragazino from Brownsville. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9chnJlBGU5E It's good Mr. Bry, see for yourself.
0
On Conching: The Latest Craze Sweeping Australian Dolphins
You guys do know that dolphins bully and kill porpoises for fun right? So if they're gonna use their new conch shells as weapons, it'd be against porpoises, not some nerdy chubby buddy. At least in the early stages of the Shark Bay War of 2011.
0
On Is America Ready For Felt-On-Felt Marriage?
HAS NO HETEROSEXUAL EVER HAD A HETEROSEXUAL ROOMMATE BEFORE?
1
On How to Deal with Enormous Dying Bugs in Your Apartment
Also you can put a cup over it if you walk around barefoot and forget easily. This also leads to the easy clean up solution which is sliding a piece of paper under the cup and then throwing the whole thing out the window or something.
1
On The Secret to Not Wearing Socks with Shoes
What's wrong with real socks? You live in NY where there are very nice, thin, cotton socks available for little amounts of money. Two or three dollars maximum and you can have comfortable, dress appropriate feet and ankles and avoid engaging in a ridiculous fad. If you're wearing some Vans or whatever it's your choice but please wear socks with dress shoes guys.
0
On Is This a Summer Without a Song of the Summer?
Last summer's song was definitely Usher and Will.I.Am's "OMG" I think one night in July we managed to just play that on the radio all night.
Sometimes it just works out that no one wrote an incredibly awesome pop hit that connects to most people on a base level. Kinda like that summer where the biggest movie was a documentary (March of the Penguins.)
@kenwheaton not to mention Hanson as the backyard band. I wouldn't recognize them now but it says it on the drumset.
0
On No One Knows How to Get to JFK from Williamsburg (OR DO THEY?)
Avoid the G when you can. Regardless of schedule the LIRR is FAR from reliable. I've taken trains that ran 20 minutes late with the apology that the train was unable to go fast. The LIRR does not care about timeliness or making up trains that have been cancelled or are running late. That being said, most of the time it's fine.
0
On How To Write A Satirical Pop Culture Book Sold At Urban Outfitters
I just took a couple hundred photos of ashtrays, does anyone want to publish this? I'm not even kidding.