On Horror Chick: The Awfulness of "Splice" Cannot Be Solved by Adrien Brody and Monster Sex
So, imagine the studio pitch meeting..."It's 'Knocked Up' spliced with 'Rosemary's Baby' with angry baby raping mother scenes....sponsored by BP... what could go wrong?"
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On Guatemala's Sinkhole Not Actually a Sinkhole
So it's from volcanic ash piping....so it's a real ashhole
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On Come On People, Your Halloween Costume isn't Going to Make Itself
I think the ladies should go as crazy MaryAnn from True Blood. Or the fabulous Pam and Eric as a couples idea.
Or...go as Julia Child - the real and the SNL version as a couples idea.
Please people let's do something different this year.
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On OMG Mr. Big Is Getting Married!
Chris Noth is an argument for guys coloring their hair and having a little eye work. Please keep working out Chris, so we can have prison weight room scenes in your new show.
On another note, his wife was some sort of waitress that he knocked up. Talk about money shot.
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On Sarah Palin's Book Cover Revealed
She's looking at the shine of her reflected glory. Or the Sears catalogue photographer told her she looked purdy.
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On Roman Polanski: Yes, Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?
After all, if high and mighty Roman were to submit himself to the judgment and punishment of the law...that would be like him getting fucked in the ass without his consent or something.
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On David Letterman Knows the Truth: A Funny Man Gets to Sleep with His Staff
Man. If there is a God, there is no sex tape or photos of his spendor. Please God. I'm usually in favor of that. But. Nay. Unless he was fucking that red-headed announcer dude.
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On Science: Dudes Like Hot Chicks
You know, there's a lot of talented people out of work and to do a funded study of slidling up to pretty women ...I'd rather fund Acorn or free contraceptives.
Or get smart, join the crazy, and propose a study where I study women's reactions to hot men. Men, ur ugliness is a drag on women's health.
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On Obama Opponents: Terrible Man Should Stay Here And Continue Ruining Country
Yeah. 20 months since the acknowledged start of our financial implosion. It does go and run through the election. In the Johnson administration, Medicare was passed in one session and checks were out in 11 months. Even this crappy health care bill doesn't take effect until four years have passed.
With all the cash handed out, you'd think there could be at least those famous presidental orders that Bush put out. I don't think he's serious about tracking down what happened to the bailout money or new, effective regulation. I don't see that he's serious about a public option or serious reform. He's waffling, putting everything up for negotiation, keeping his hands clean by taking no clear stands, while being very clear, direct, and openly lobbying for the Olympics. Hell, I want to see Michelle out there shaking hands over Wall Street and bank regulation and the public option. I'm seeing an ad where Obama champions the bill, but NOT for the public option. FAIL. I hope Rockefeller runs against Obama. http://www.alternet.org/healthwellness/142700/5_reasons_the_baucus_health_bill_fails_the_basics/
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On Old Men Using Bikes To Snag Young Chicks
Some bikers in their forties on up do have the desperate stank of "awesome" and they bring it everywhere they go. Are you a biker-douche? Check the symptoms: your screensaver or cube has biker-douche posters. You have a jar of some plastic electrolyte drink on your desk at work and sprinkle your speech with hipster adjectives that went out 8 years ago. You think you look twenty-five - kinda like Lance Armstrong looks like a haggard, skin drooping off his face looks 25 year old. You man-crush on douchey Lance Armstrong and wear some piece of yellow rubber on your wrist and actually believe he's AWESOME! You have to have special outfits while you bike made in Italy, so people think you are somebody special in training. Remember the funny shirts and pants grandpa wore golfing? Yeah. You look like that to most of us. I don't care if you have 8% body fat - you look like a putz. You actually believe tiny dancer Asian 22 year olds would kinda dig you and your AWESOMEness. Crush the signs while you can and you're the joke people snicker about behind your back. Bike to work and be done with it.