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On My Life Without A Cell Phone: An Amazing Tale Of Survival

lol! I probably should have edited my post-comment. Sorry CARY.

hari mirch is a hindi term which means green chili pepper. I'll burn the roof of your mouth. (this is for you @Murgatroid)

Posted on March 22, 2011 at 5:05 pm 0

On My Life Without A Cell Phone: An Amazing Tale Of Survival

You're living in denial: Let's count the ways:
Inconvenience: 1. Guess what, your cellphone can function like your phone at home… it's called turning it off or silencing your phone. And also there's this thing called "voicemail" the cellular equivalent for "answering machine," which means that you can still call back your friends whenever you damn well please. 2. Using a pay phone is never convenient for the obvious reasons: a) you have to drop what you're doing to locate one… b) locating a pay phone isn't convenient: Sure you know the location of every pay phone South of 23rd Street. Let's throw your ass in Chicago or Los Angeles and buh-bye convenience. You'll be that chick carrying a lonely planet paperweight and foldable map trying to navigate your ass around the city looking for a pay phone. 2. Borrowing another person's cellphone may be convenient for you but annoying to your friends… they pay for their cellphone so you're just piggy-backing on them.. in the long run you'll become burdensome to your friends. Now that's INconvenience.
2. Back-up: Since you're a walking anachronism I don't expect you to understand this term we use called -"back-up" You plug your phone in this thing we call a "computer" and back-up your contacts in the event that you lose your phone. You can get a new one and restore your contacts just like magic. So you have a rolodex huh? What happens when you lose that? That'll be fun to handwrite all those contacts all over again… Why not just chisel their names and numbers on pieces of stone, it'll probably take the same amount of time.
3. Punctuality/ Attention Span: I'm sorry, have you SEEN "An Affair to Remember"? If that chick had a cellphone Carry Grant's character wouldn't have spent months in sadness wondering why his love didn't show up at the Empire State Building. Btw, if you're dating people who are looking at their cellphone the whole time during your date, it's not the phone that's the problem… Normal people silence their phones and put them in their pockets/purses.
4. Reliable Reception: This is probably you're only semi-decent point. Except, you're probably calling someone using a cellphone… and if their calls drop all the time like you say, you won't be able to talk to them regardless if you were using a land line…But apparently your phone calls are going off without a hitch so their calls are probably not dropping… So you're driving all the way home every time you want to call someone… when all you have to do suck up an occasional inconvenience of a dropped call to press the "re-dial" button. Which is more bothersome… dropped call or spending gas/money to drive/cab/subway your ass home or use a pay phone to make a call?
5. Cancer-Free Skull: a) you're acting a little desperate to prove an unsellable point. b) if you're paranoid and pissing your pants, use what's called a "headset"… and also a diaper…
6. Freedom: You're not free, you're chained to your land line. You're chained to pay-phones. You're chained to friends who own cellphones. You're just CHAINED to the past.

hari mirch is a hindi term which means green chili pepper. I'm here to spice things up.

Posted on March 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm 4

On Six Things I Have Inadvertently Consumed

Your aunt probably knows how to make salad jello taste delicious. Maybe she could forward the recipe to the person who prepared that glob of overly salty jello-y nastiness for me.

Posted on March 16, 2011 at 2:31 pm 0

On Six Things I Have Inadvertently Consumed

nope wasn't alive in the 70's. I can't believe it was a thing!? Was it hippy food? And come to think of it I think there were nuts or something nut-like in the jello I had.... ::shudder:: It's been years since I've had vegetable jello but I can still taste it...

Posted on March 15, 2011 at 5:42 pm 0

On Six Things I Have Inadvertently Consumed

In France, I was served vegetable jello. That's right, chilled jello with chunks of whole vegetables in it. You could see green pieces of broccoli suspended in the jello. Cold salty jello-y vegetables- imagine that in your mouth and try not to puke.

Posted on March 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm 0

On How To Split A Check At A Restaurant

I strongly disagree with the over 25 rule because that rule a) assumes that people over 25 can't be poor and b) expects the assumed to be rich people to just pay because they can afford to... which i believe is the general theme of this article: If you're poor be frugal, if you're wealthy just suck it up and pay... I'm sorry but it sounds like some sort of messed up Robin Hood story gone to hell. All's fair in EATING and PAYMENT. Earlier he wrote something like "if you're an investment banker making 5x - 7x the amount everyone else is making just pick up the tab once and awhile..." is he insane?! Which brings me to my next point. If you're a poor less than 25 something year old, actually scratch that if you're poor IN GENERAL, and you KNOW you're poor, why are you buying a $38 dollar hamburger? Slap yourself. This is why we had the housing crisis. People were duped into buying homes they couldn't afford thinking they'll just deal with the payments later... and then one day soon later, they're homeless... shocker. So people, in general, LEARN early through paying for your meals at restaurants with your buddies and your "YAFs". I don't believe in this robin hood CRAP. "take from the rich give to the poor." Shut the hell up. Everyone, just pay for your shit. Grab your stupid calculator on your phone (everyone has a freaking smart phone now and if not your rich over 25 something year old buddy sitting next to you will have one) add the shit you bought add the tax and PAY THAT SHIT. it's not hard! How to pay in a group setting: 1. know how much you can afford, 2. calculate your shit 3. add tip 4. PAY THAT SHIT. The. End.

Posted on March 12, 2011 at 2:32 pm 0