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On A Field Guide to the True American Diner

I ordered a breakfast sandwich from the Summit Diner the other day, specifying "with muenster cheese and sausage". Once on the highway I found myself eating a sausage sandwich with mustard. At least it was Gulden's.

Posted on October 10, 2014 at 9:38 am 0

On The Starbucks Booze Worst-Case Scenario

If you want to wade slowly into that pool, order a margarita at Chipolte first.

Posted on October 8, 2014 at 12:40 pm 0

On Introducing... Shirterate

I'd stick with potato salad.

Posted on July 10, 2014 at 2:47 pm 0

On What $2000 Gets You in Brownstone Brooklyn

Even the mice are hunchbacked.

Posted on July 10, 2014 at 1:56 pm 0

On The Last Of The Lollipop Guild

When the last of the Oompah-Loompahs are being tallied up, let me know.

Posted on August 9, 2013 at 11:49 am 0

On Decade Of Celebrating People For Relative Attractiveness Acknowledged

Washington is Hollywood for really ugly people.

Posted on July 31, 2013 at 12:24 pm 2

On Greetings From Asbury Park, N.J.

Asbury Park won't become a playground for the rich as long as there are a couple blocks worth of half finished concrete pillars with rusty rebar sticking out of them across the street from the Stone Pony. This, and the previous steel skeleton structure that occupied the same spot for 20yrs last decade, will ensure that the spirit and soul of Asbury Park remain, and Lily Pulitzer will stay away.

Posted on July 17, 2013 at 1:42 pm 0

On Next Time You Drop Your Phone In The Toilet, Tell Yourself You're Charging It

I assume it was a P-Mobile phone.

Posted on July 17, 2013 at 10:13 am 0

On Grateful Dead Stickers Were The Hoodies Of Their Day

Nothing shakin on leafy street.

Posted on July 15, 2013 at 3:51 pm 2

On What A Pack Of Cigarettes Costs Now, State By State

I paid 5 dollars for two cigarettes outside a bar late last Saturday night.

Posted on July 12, 2013 at 12:21 pm 1