Mr. B

Mr. B

I'm a fan of the moon and Jonathan Franzen.

By Gef the Talking Mongoose on What $2000 Gets You in Brownstone Brooklyn

@David Roth : Wait, but there is a door on the floorplan, so now I understand even less. Maybe it's a converted attic? But the ceilings are ... horizontal, so, like a free-standing apartment inside an attic? IT EXISTS OUTSIDE TIME AND SPACE. THE SKYLIGHTS SHOW NOTHING BUT THE GAPING VOID AND, OCCASIONALLY, TENTACLES.

Alternate take : The door leads directly to the sewers and the "skylights" are actually repurposed subway sidwalk grates. The neighbor is an 80-year-old bipedal rat who never sorts his recycling.

Posted on July 10, 2014 at 3:06 pm 2

By KarenUhOh on What $2000 Gets You in Brownstone Brooklyn

In fairness, it does come with a trap door.

Posted on July 10, 2014 at 12:36 pm 2

By hershmire on Put Your Phone Down

But how else are we going to remember all of these moments we ignored?

Posted on July 7, 2014 at 12:50 pm 2

By Jay Casey@facebook on Put Your Phone Down

You know what's stupid? Fireworks. You know what's more stupid? Watching fireworks. Fireworks look the goddamn same every time. "No, no, here comes the finale!" No, it's the same thing over and over again. Sure, they're all different. There's loud one, bright ones, ones that burn trails in the sky. But really what are fireworks but an event to entertain children and scare dogs. Fuck fireworks. Fuck everything about them. Fuck "hey, we're going to check out the show. Wanna come with?" No. Fuck that.

Taking cellphone pictures of them is stupid. It's about the equivalent of taking pictures of the TV. You know what else people take pictures of? That's right. The TV. People are stupid. People will take pictures of the dumbest things. People take pictures of their genitals thinking they're doing something different when all they're doing is taking an ugly picture of something that was doing okay without their input. Cellphones aren't the problem, people are. People ruin everything.

Posted on July 7, 2014 at 11:06 am 4

By Astigmatism on Hostage Situation Ongoing

I sure am glad that the Justice Department stopped Apple and the publishers from their dangerous, consumer-harming monopoly.

Posted on July 2, 2014 at 12:36 pm 1

By Gef the Talking Mongoose on Internet, Why So Blue?

@happymisanthrope : I wouldn't doubt it, considering they have 12 different words to express the subtle gradations between "cock" and "dick."

Posted on June 27, 2014 at 3:59 pm 1

By Pulp on Dov Hates Dust: When the CEO Comes to Town

Reminds me of the time the German dudes who owned Trader Joe's visited the Brooklyn store, and to prepare for their arrival, one of the managers cleaned the basement stockroom with a toothbrush. They did not wind up going downstairs to the stockroom.

Posted on June 26, 2014 at 5:36 pm 3

By Maura Johnston on 'I Want You,' In Order of How Badly You Are Really Wanted

if the jawbreaker song had its chorus as its title it might count

Posted on June 25, 2014 at 1:26 pm 1

By rhp on 'I Want You,' In Order of How Badly You Are Really Wanted

Sorry, everything else, but this will always take first place.

Posted on June 25, 2014 at 1:10 pm 1

By hershmire on That Big Study About How the Student Debt Nightmare Is in Your Head? It's Garbage

Yeah, but the chocolate ration is up to 25 grams a week, so everything's fine.

Posted on June 24, 2014 at 2:56 pm 1