The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:32:13 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Jimmy Choo for H&M Is Basically Zara for Sluts http://www.theawl.com/2009/09/jimmy-choo-for-hm-is-basically-zara-for-sluts http://www.theawl.com/2009/09/jimmy-choo-for-hm-is-basically-zara-for-sluts#comments Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:32:13 +0000 Mary HK Choi http://www.theawl.com/2009/09/jimmy-choo-for-hm-is-basically-zara-for-sluts Ohmygawg shuz!Why does anyone ever do capsule lines? Expensive clothes aren't just expensive because "you're paying for that little tag and brand recognition and that's it blablablalblablablalblabla." Granted, some of it is pure hype, like how Prada still mysteriously exists when it's boring and shoddily made and has basically been the Miu Miu that gives you Werther's Originals that are stuck together and smell funny FOR YEARS. *Yawn ripstop nylon baby backpacks*.

But sometimes you're paying for luxurious materials and nimble fucking fingers that can embroider charmeuse (if that wasn't the worst idea ever) and cobble d'Orsay pumps from tree bark IN THE DARK, so why bother trickling down and pretending that those louche-ass, über decadent Rodarte sisters for Target Go doesn't sound sad and that Jimmy Choo only works in life because it's trashy and a gazillion dollars and therefore totally hilarious.

Upscale whore is a fabulous look but it only works if you commit and are so ridiculous-sumptuous that it's Euro on that, Henry VIII-does-Miami tip. This line, however, is Bai Ling on day five of a meth bender at the industrial discotheque who's all craaaazy and wearing chinchilla in July who then gets suddenly lucid, and wants to discuss healthcare.

JC for H&M is all, "Hi I'm fugfunny, bejeweled, multicolor, fakesnakeskin, ankle, cowboy boots but I'm also this completely wearable, black, fake Diane Von Furstenberg, figure-flattering wrappy thing, and we're all egalitarianishly priced." SO INCORRECT. God, make it all stop. Also, the Google will make this post go right next to our wonderful bebe banner ads to make everyone's brain explode.

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]]> Ohmygawg shuz!Why does anyone ever do capsule lines? Expensive clothes aren't just expensive because "you're paying for that little tag and brand recognition and that's it blablablalblablablalblabla." Granted, some of it is pure hype, like how Prada still mysteriously exists when it's boring and shoddily made and has basically been the Miu Miu that gives you Werther's Originals that are stuck together and smell funny FOR YEARS. *Yawn ripstop nylon baby backpacks*.

But sometimes you're paying for luxurious materials and nimble fucking fingers that can embroider charmeuse (if that wasn't the worst idea ever) and cobble d'Orsay pumps from tree bark IN THE DARK, so why bother trickling down and pretending that those louche-ass, über decadent Rodarte sisters for Target Go doesn't sound sad and that Jimmy Choo only works in life because it's trashy and a gazillion dollars and therefore totally hilarious.

Upscale whore is a fabulous look but it only works if you commit and are so ridiculous-sumptuous that it's Euro on that, Henry VIII-does-Miami tip. This line, however, is Bai Ling on day five of a meth bender at the industrial discotheque who's all craaaazy and wearing chinchilla in July who then gets suddenly lucid, and wants to discuss healthcare.

JC for H&M is all, "Hi I'm fugfunny, bejeweled, multicolor, fakesnakeskin, ankle, cowboy boots but I'm also this completely wearable, black, fake Diane Von Furstenberg, figure-flattering wrappy thing, and we're all egalitarianishly priced." SO INCORRECT. God, make it all stop. Also, the Google will make this post go right next to our wonderful bebe banner ads to make everyone's brain explode.

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See more posts by Mary HK Choi

42 comments

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