Hey, it's April 20th, or "4/20." So you know what that means. That's right, Hitler's birthday and the anniversary of the Deepwater Horizon spill and the Columbine massacre and the first pitch thrown at Fenway Park in Boston and also at Wrigley Field in Chicago and the sadly shuttered Tiger's Stadium in Detroit. And also of Billie Holiday recording "Strange Fruit." And the Bay of Pigs fiasco and of Russia's mistaken downing of Korean Air Lines Flight 902. And lots of other crazy stuff, most of which is entirely coincidental. Also, of course, it's Pot Day. So I'm sure all you potheads are so stoned right now that [...]

"You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again." -Way to BRING ME DOWN, Woody Allen! If I live long enough some day I will be nostalgic for now? DO NOT WANT. I'm gonna have to increase my nonfitness regimen.

Woody Allen has reached a $5 million settlement with American Apparel. Allen sued the company for $10 million after they used his image without permission; AA's lawyers argued for a settlement, either because they realized that they were unlikely to prevail in court or they decided they'd milked enough publicity out of the case already.

This is the best way to understand Woody Allen, from the man himself, in the first interview with Woody and Larry David about the upcoming Whatever Works: "I think my philosophy has been consistent over the years, and it appears either persuasive or idiotic depending on how good the film is."

43. Men of Crisis: The Harvey Wallinger Story

42. Everyone Says I Love You

41. Hannah and Her Sisters

40. Husbands and Wives

39. Sounds From a Town I Love

38. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask)

16. Jason Biggs, Anything Else 15. Kenneth Branagh, Celebrity

14. Larry David, Whatever Works

13. Scarlett Johansson, Scoop 12. Michael J. Fox, Don't Drink The Water 11. Will Ferrell, Melinda and Melinda

The problem with having a website where you only write about things that interest you is that a lot of things will not be of interest to you. For instance, today I am completely uninterested in reading or writing about: Miss California, Ayelet Waldman, Michael Savage, Jimmy Fallon winning a Webby, Webbys in general, Jimmy Fallon in general, whether Obama threatened recalcitrant Chrysler bondholders (but if he did, you know, good for him), and still Jimmy Fallon. Just not interested.

“It’s no use, Philo,” I said. “It just won’t play.”

“But why?” he asked, crestfallen.

“The idea has originality,” I said, searching for a way to sweeten the rejection. “But there’s no part in it for Carla Bruni, and we have an agreement.”

—Woody Allen "explains" how “Midnight in Paris” came to be.

"Nobody wants to see a guy who's 74 hitting on a woman of any age. But I don't want to make geriatric movies about old people because they bore me too." -Woody Allen is having a hard time with getting older.

Woody Allen's new one: "an artful and often amusing movie" vs. "not an unmitigated disaster."