Posts Tagged: Well?

Prudish Child Files Suit

"The elderly residents of a Long Island nursing home saw their shuffleboards replaced by washboard abs when they were subjected a low-rent Chippendale’s striptease in the facility’s rec room, a new lawsuit claims.

The son of one resident — 85-year-old Bernice Youngblood — was shocked when he showed up for a visit and found a picture of his mom stuffing dollar bills — which are supposed to be locked away in her commissary account — into a dancer’s briefs."

She can't do what she wants with her singles? Come on now.


New York Mayor Forced To Declare That He's Never Had Sex With A Man

"At 10 a.m., Mayor de Blasio donates blood. He’s hoping you do, too, as supplies are running low. Here’s how.

After his post-bloodletting cookie, the mayor makes an announcement at noon, then receives former members of Pussy Riot at City Hall in the evening."

Being mayor is clearly weird enough. But then you also have to admit that you meet the criteria to donate blood? Very personal! Anyway, you should give blood too, if you can. I'll just be over here, enjoying all my blood. (video via)


A Life-Changing Invention: The In-Window Cat Litter Box

Since 1945, man has been shoving air conditioners through his windows. Despite our fears, very rarely is someone wounded by a falling air conditioner. We have the technology. We have mastered gravity. It's time to shove our cats out the windows.

If we can put a cat in space, which we have been doing since 1963, we can put a cat box outside our space, and therefore end our suffering at the hands (??) of our cats. (Our cat's butts, I guess.)

We're edging slowly closer to this goal.

The Whiskervent sucks air out your window through a hose; so does the Littervent. [...]


Be Prepared, Those Who Would Know Suggest

Later this month, the still very new Anne Frank Center in New York is starting a four-session, very cool sounding diary writing workshop, among their many new public programs. What do they know that we don't???


Martha's Vineyard: Trailer Trash Since 1642

"1921 Upon learning that President Calvin Coolidge had been out of Washington on vacation in Marion, Ohio, for a week, Dorothy Parker's less clever sister is reported to have remarked, 'How could they tell?'" —Since everyone is FREAKING OUT about Barack Obama going to Martha's Vineyard on vacation, here is a brief history of Presidential vacations. The best is that everyone's all upset about how ELITIST his vacation choices are. The dude grew up in HAWAII. And also, it's not like he owns a 1500-acre ranch in Texas? Also am I going to be the one to point out that Martha's Vineyard, much like Cape Cod, is pretty much [...]


Tiny Woman to be Destroyed for our Entertainment (One Hopes)

"MTV has announced it will put Snooki in a ball and drop her from on high on New Year's Eve in Times Square." Fantastic! I knew, what with the way things are going and all, that we'd try to reinvent public executions soon enough.


Cars, Emergency Rooms Kill White People A Lot Less

Johns Hopkins announced a study this morning that found that "minority pedestrians are far more likely than white pedestrians to be struck by motor vehicles" and "uninsured minority pedestrians hit by cars are at a significantly higher risk of death than their insured white counterparts, even if the injuries sustained are similar." Oh yes: "uninsured patients had a 77 percent greater risk of death" than the insured. Here's one nice way of putting something complicated: "Previous studies have shown that insurance status and race may increase mortality risk because of treatment delay or differences in services provided." Jaywalking! A one-way ticket to death in racist America! No but, [...]


The Problem With Alec Baldwin In One Easy Chart


You Won't Believe The Internet's Thirteen Most Popular Stories Of The Year


Apple's "iPhone," Reviewed

If you're considering buying an iPhone, this fellow has been trying one for a while and offers some thoughts on the experience.


Gawker's "Fox Mole" Raided

I just got search warranted at 6:30am by a very polite crew from the DA's office. Took my iPhone, laptop, some old notebooks.

— Joe Muto (@JoeMuto) April 25, 2012

Gawker's Fox employee mole and brain surgeon Joe Muto had a big morning, with a small army from the D.A.'s office seizing his computer, phone and "notebooks." (Notebooks!) Muto says he is being accused of grand larceny. Clearly he doesn't have a lawyer or he wouldn't be tweeting about this.


The Only Casey Anthony Verdict Tweet You'd Want to See

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So was Nicole Brown Simpson's family when your dad got OJ off. RT @KimKardashian: CASEY ANTHONY FOUND NOT GUILTY!!!! I am speechless!!!Tue Jul 05 18:26:28 via EchofonAmerica's HeroHaHaWhitePPL


Married People: Just Shun Them

Bundle proves what we all know: married people are cheap and boring and should not be taken seriously or gone out with on a Friday night.


A History of Bob Stein, Full-Time Thinker

The extraordinarily abstruse Triple Canopy has a new issue up. Most of it is beyond my interests and/or understanding, however I greatly enjoyed this interview with Bob Stein, who for the last six years has run the think tank Institute for the Future of the Book (I don't know, really; one of its goals is that it has "no deliverables") and also founded the Criterion Collection and spent a lot of time thinking about LaserDiscs and HyperCard (oh man!) and also worked at Atari, trying to create the encyclopedia of the future. Basically he makes Clay Shirky's jobs look very task- and result-oriented.


Spoilers for the New Season of "House of Cards"

- Frank dies.


One Shocking Graph That Explains Why You Don't Need To Worry About "Peak Troll"

Yes, getting to Peak Troll—the state in which everything on the Internet is the worst it possibly could be—is a concern. But let's look at the facts—the facts of climate change! When the future of the Internet is graphed against sea level projections, it all works out okay. Most of us will likely die before Peak Troll completely ruins everything forever. Knock wood—and stay at sea level. Better to go out with the coasts than survive and live through what the Internet will be like in 100 years.


Conversations With My Novel In The Middle Of The Night

Over my bed, or the thing I call my bed which used to be a couch but is kinda now more of a cot, suddenly bathed in an unnatural moonlight, is a seven-foot book with arms and legs. It's a hardcover with a shiny commercial trade book cover. The title is set in a silvery font that jags and blurs out a little, like frost. It reads: THE COLDEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR. This was the title of a play the Drama Guild of my high school wrote and performed about homeless people for a one-act play competition. We didn't win, but I always liked that title. I always wanted [...]


Monsters Pen Opinion Piece

John Yoo is an enemy of American values, an advocate for torture and for wiretapping U.S. citizens without their consent. His guidance in matters of U.S. law has been reprehensible. John Bolton is an bizarre variety of jingoist and a bully and amazingly obnoxious. He is long-time embarrassment to America diplomatically. Together, they are an OUT OF THEIR MINDS BARMY LOONY BIZARRE POLITICAL OPERATIVE WEIRDO MENACE on the Times op-ed page.


Local Man Needs Any Job At All, Please

Local man desires employment, can lift heavy things, manage offices, type on computers, serve food.


Dan Savage: Christine O'Donnell's "Sexual Conduct is 100% Relevant"

I guess it doesn't "get better" for Christine O'Donnell after high school, eh Dan Savage?