California Wants To Make World's Grossest Place Vaguely Less Gross @2:25 PM
They are going to maybe outlaw the smoking in state parks and beaches in California, which, shocked that they haven't already? But I guess not all of California is Marin. (Am I right? High fives, anyone?) Anyway now California is all, "Smoking is bad for beaches." Like, people leave cigarette butts out there and stuff. Dudes, do you know what the ocean is basically made of? Dead bodies. Do you ever stop to think about how many millions of corpses have been dumped into the ocean over the literally thousands of years humans have existed? It's basically one giant open pit of ground-up human flesh. This is pretty much all I can think about at the beach, so it's only fair that you do too. I'm not trying to be gross! It's just super carcassey out there! 27
Chattel Tortured by Fear of Losing Symbol of the Purchase of her Worth @9:00 AM
Recently, in New York City, a woman lost one of the diamond stones from her betrothal ring. It measured 4 carats. "I wake up in cold sweats dreaming that I'm going to lose my ring — and the funny thing is, I did," she told a local paper about the status symbol. Funny thing! The shiny stone, a symbol of her worth, was later found, however, by a watchful man. Now she can retire to privacy of her home, ring intact. 10
Something About Uganda That I'd Know About: Filson! @4:10 PM
I'm really sorry about how my thoughts work, but all this talk of Uganda and the gays is horrifying and depressing and scary and then totally reminds me of the fact that Uganda is partially responsible for this one maybe incredible thing that you can get tyrannized into spending loads of money on for the holidays. It's the Filson Original Briefcase in a super limited-edition (only 200!), quickstrike colorway that isn't Otter Green, Brown or Tan. It's the first Filson collaboration ever and made from 17.5oz Ugandan cotton sourced by the nonprofit Invisible Children. This is just where my brain went because it goes UgandaSadfaceGaysHappyfaceFilson. And instead of pre-ordering one I'm going to buy a benefit calendar and hug myself. 5
"I was recently treated to an early prototype of a dessert that Marina Abramović, the 'grandmother of performance art,' created with the pastry chef Dominique Ansel." —James Franco, in the Wall Street Journal. @9:20 AM 7
How Many Nice People Does It Take To Edit 24 Pages A Week? @9:11 AM
I couldn't sleep all night! I was tossing and turning, my mind afire, as I wondered: how are there 14 editors at the New York Times Book Review? This is not simple spite! I like the Book Review. Or at least I like it abstractly, not in the "Yay it's Sunday morning, here's the Book Review" kind of way. And yes, there is a hell of a lot of reading involved in it. But I'm pretty sure me and Maud and Lizzie and Mark Greif and a couple interns could get it done by Tuesday and then sort of just chillax on Wednesdays before starting all over again. 10
