Say it with me, everyone: What a world. "Detectives questioned a circus owner today about allegations that a wallaby died after being plied with ecstasy and drink at a birthday disco. The marsupial was let loose among more than 150 revellers dancing at the Clarion Hotel in Liffey Valley, west Dublin, to the theme tune of Australian television show Skippy The Bush Kangaroo."

Much like our own druids did centuries ago, the wallabies of Tasmania are getting extremely fucked up on opium and creating bizarre agricultural formations. "[W]e have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," the island's attorney general told parliament. "Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."