On November 9th, 1999, my morning to-do list included such items as "Make a list," "Pick up stuff from storage," and "Attend MTV awards, jump on stage, yell something nonsensical." I never made it to my storage unit in Park Slope that day, but the NYPD, while studying the list later that night, would crack wise about my busy day. They were also very curious about that storage facility. READ MORE

Basically everyone should have to stare at this photo every day for 30 minutes while they ponder their life choices.

Last night I was looking for the smoking section at the VMAs (there isn't one) and I stopped midway on the stairs from the lobby to the downstairs bathrooms. Behind a curtained-off area below, I could see below me all the web photo editors, speed-searching through incoming red carpet photographs. It was a hideous vision of the future, I tell you. A guy came up behind me. "Meditating?" he asked. (That was weird.) I was like, no, look at this digital sweatshop! READ MORE