The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Thu, 18 Mar 2010 11:30:14 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 A Virus Victim Seeks Assistance http://www.theawl.com/2010/03/a-virus-victim-seeks-assistance http://www.theawl.com/2010/03/a-virus-victim-seeks-assistance#comments Thu, 18 Mar 2010 11:30:14 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2010/03/a-virus-victim-seeks-assistance These miserable cockwads fucked up my morningGood FUCKING Lord. I just spent the better part of two hours removing some dickserrating virus from my poor computer. You can IMAGINE how pleased I am right now. It was some sort of pox on humanity called Antivirus which installs itself through Adobe or something and requires an intensive series of maneuvers to remove, none of which I'm remotely qualified to perform. And let's not even mention the shame of infection. (Yes, here is where you Mac people can laugh at me. I am happy for you that your shiny, expensive machines are so rare that evil people will not even bother creating viruses for them.) Anyway, I need your help.

This computer (I call him 'Putey) is OLD. Like, seriously ancient. I've had it since before I was at Gawker, which was a million years ago. It's filthy, it runs extremely slowly, if you have more than two applications going at a time it wheezes and grunts like an old man trying to get up from a park bench, etc. But I love it, and cannot yet bear to part with it, particularly since I lack the funds to procure a replacement. I repeatedly and naively assure myself that soon there will be money and I will purchase a new, lightning-fast machine which tells me how great I am and automatically searches for bear videos without prompting. Until that day comes, however, it's me and 'Putey, tapping out words like we have done since time immemorial. So I have a question: What anti-virus protection do you use?

Bear in mind that I am not prone to viruses. This is actually the first one I've ever really been affected by, and for a man who watches as many Estonian fellatio videos as I do (I'm sorry if you are offended on behalf of your own ethnicity, but trust me, no one does it better than the talented Tallinnese) that's pretty remarkable. More importantly, bear in mind that I am POOR, and if I'm going to get a new computer soon anyway (please God please God please) I'd prefer to use something that is priced competitively, i.e. free. I just downloaded Spybot, which seems to have cured me of the testicle-crushing affliction that caused this morning's problems, but if you know of something better, I'm all ears. Or, to put it in regular blogese, What do you think about free virus protection software? Tell us in the comments!

---

See more posts by Alex Balk

68 comments

]]> These miserable cockwads fucked up my morningGood FUCKING Lord. I just spent the better part of two hours removing some dickserrating virus from my poor computer. You can IMAGINE how pleased I am right now. It was some sort of pox on humanity called Antivirus which installs itself through Adobe or something and requires an intensive series of maneuvers to remove, none of which I'm remotely qualified to perform. And let's not even mention the shame of infection. (Yes, here is where you Mac people can laugh at me. I am happy for you that your shiny, expensive machines are so rare that evil people will not even bother creating viruses for them.) Anyway, I need your help.

This computer (I call him 'Putey) is OLD. Like, seriously ancient. I've had it since before I was at Gawker, which was a million years ago. It's filthy, it runs extremely slowly, if you have more than two applications going at a time it wheezes and grunts like an old man trying to get up from a park bench, etc. But I love it, and cannot yet bear to part with it, particularly since I lack the funds to procure a replacement. I repeatedly and naively assure myself that soon there will be money and I will purchase a new, lightning-fast machine which tells me how great I am and automatically searches for bear videos without prompting. Until that day comes, however, it's me and 'Putey, tapping out words like we have done since time immemorial. So I have a question: What anti-virus protection do you use?

Bear in mind that I am not prone to viruses. This is actually the first one I've ever really been affected by, and for a man who watches as many Estonian fellatio videos as I do (I'm sorry if you are offended on behalf of your own ethnicity, but trust me, no one does it better than the talented Tallinnese) that's pretty remarkable. More importantly, bear in mind that I am POOR, and if I'm going to get a new computer soon anyway (please God please God please) I'd prefer to use something that is priced competitively, i.e. free. I just downloaded Spybot, which seems to have cured me of the testicle-crushing affliction that caused this morning's problems, but if you know of something better, I'm all ears. Or, to put it in regular blogese, What do you think about free virus protection software? Tell us in the comments!

---

See more posts by Alex Balk

68 comments

]]> http://www.theawl.com/2010/03/a-virus-victim-seeks-assistance/feed 68 Sexy Virus Will Turn Your iPhone Into Zombie http://www.theawl.com/2009/07/sexy-virus-will-turn-your-iphone-into-zombie http://www.theawl.com/2009/07/sexy-virus-will-turn-your-iphone-into-zombie#comments Fri, 17 Jul 2009 12:20:41 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2009/07/sexy-virus-will-turn-your-iphone-into-zombie Go ahead, click, what's the worst thing that could happen?Uh oh:
For the first time criminal hackers may have succeeded in creating a network of 'zombie' cellphones, infected without the owners' knowledge with software that can be used to send spam or carry out cyber attacks. Botnets, as such networks are known, are usually made up of infected personal computers and are used to make money from spam or extortion. Millions of machines worldwide are secretly running botnet software and it has been estimated that one in four US personal computers is part of a botnet.

Security firm Symantec says a virus called Sexy Space is the first such for SMS that can be centrally controlled. Fortunately, your phone can only be infected if you click on the link, and who is dumb enough to do that? Although, now that I think about it, I would like to see a very sexy girl. Let me just take a-AIIIIEEEE! MMMM. BRAINS. (Etc.)

---

See more posts by Alex Balk

5 comments

]]> Go ahead, click, what's the worst thing that could happen?Uh oh:
For the first time criminal hackers may have succeeded in creating a network of 'zombie' cellphones, infected without the owners' knowledge with software that can be used to send spam or carry out cyber attacks. Botnets, as such networks are known, are usually made up of infected personal computers and are used to make money from spam or extortion. Millions of machines worldwide are secretly running botnet software and it has been estimated that one in four US personal computers is part of a botnet.

Security firm Symantec says a virus called Sexy Space is the first such for SMS that can be centrally controlled. Fortunately, your phone can only be infected if you click on the link, and who is dumb enough to do that? Although, now that I think about it, I would like to see a very sexy girl. Let me just take a-AIIIIEEEE! MMMM. BRAINS. (Etc.)

---

See more posts by Alex Balk

5 comments

]]> http://www.theawl.com/2009/07/sexy-virus-will-turn-your-iphone-into-zombie/feed 5 Domestic Animals Now Competing With Birds And Swine http://www.theawl.com/2009/06/domestic-animals-now-competing-with-birds-and-swine http://www.theawl.com/2009/06/domestic-animals-now-competing-with-birds-and-swine#comments Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:15:47 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2009/06/domestic-animals-now-competing-with-birds-and-swine Patient ZeroAn increasing number of cats and dogs are infected with MRSA-the antibiotic resistant "superbug" created by English people's aversion to washing themselves. However, it seems that the animals are catching the infection from their human owners, rather than other animals, so I guess that's good. Or is it? As someone who spent the day with a vomiting cat I'm not sure how to feel about all of this. I'm gonna settle on "concerned."

---

See more posts by Alex Balk

0 comments

]]> Patient ZeroAn increasing number of cats and dogs are infected with MRSA-the antibiotic resistant "superbug" created by English people's aversion to washing themselves. However, it seems that the animals are catching the infection from their human owners, rather than other animals, so I guess that's good. Or is it? As someone who spent the day with a vomiting cat I'm not sure how to feel about all of this. I'm gonna settle on "concerned."

---

See more posts by Alex Balk

0 comments

]]> http://www.theawl.com/2009/06/domestic-animals-now-competing-with-birds-and-swine/feed 0