What makes Champagne so romantic? It may simply be that the form of intoxication associated with bubbles is uniquely titillating. Giddiness rather than wooziness. Champagne, the region, is at the 49th parallel, the same latitude as Vancouver’s, the northernmost extent of wine production. It may be that there is some sympathy between the grapes and us, owing to their endurance of the chilly and damp climate of northeast France and our own resolve to face down the February gloom with at least one evening of candle-lighted intimacy.

You could easily choose a Mediterranean wine for Valentine’s Day and fantasize an escape to the Riviera. But I for one prefer [...]

Let me offer you some additional, and contradictory, testimony on why there is all that constant glassing over in England and its wholly-owned subsidiary islands of stabbitude. The thing is? They're just crazy in love. In a recent science poll, almost one-third of Americans said they'd rather spend Valentine's Day with their pets than a person. 50% of Turks said the same! 2 out of 5 Indians agreed! But get this: only 18% of Knifecrimers surveyed said they would prefer to spend the day with a pet, rather than a lover. The people of Britain are love-besotted romantics! And all that passion makes them violent. Now you [...]

It's not too late! Valentine's Day can be salvaged, you procrastinators! Duane Reade may be wiped out of everything except Strawberry-flavored Three Musketeer bars (Ew. And then also Yum. And then back to Ew.) I may think that love is an illusion. And that Valentine's Day is not actually about love, it's about out-loving everybody else with the perfection of your relationship's love. When your relationship probably needs some work, like everybody else's. But that's no reason for you to get jacked up by your sweetie for screwing up Valentine's Day (possibly again?). I'm your poetry pal. And poetry is only useful culturally when you want to get laid or [...]

"I was terrified and I used all my strength to punch the animal in the face, but it would not budge. I had to wrestle with it to keep its jaws away from me, and it would have clawed me to death if my wife had not arrived." —It's a great day for Malaysian couple Tambun Gediu and Han Besau. Gediu was squirrel hunting in the jungle near his home in the northern state of Perak when he was attacked by a tiger. Hearing his screams, Besau ran out of the kitchen and beat the ferocious beast with a wooden soup ladle until it ran away. Gediu is in [...]