Tonight, "Revenge" returns from its (too-long) hiatus with a crop of new episodes, sure to be full of awesomeness. But will they also be full of awkwardness? You see, Emily VanCamp and Josh Bowman, who play engaged couple Emily Thorne/Amanda Clarke (she has two names, it's complicated) and Daniel Grayson, are together off-screen as well. If a recent photo of the couple is anything to go by, their real-life relationship may have been concluded by the time tonight's new episode starts.

You don't have to be a body language expert to think that Bowman, his arms folded protectively over his chest, his eyes dead, horrified or distracted, [...]

Blair and Nate are walking down the street and Blair makes a whiny joke about New York University admitting people she would not fuck with Kristen Chenoweth's dick. Then my phone rings, so I get up and leave the room because my brother is still watching. He has to go to bed early because he goes to work at 6 a.m. so it would be rude to make him pause the show and wait for me to finish my phone call. I miss most of the exposition. Speaking of my brother, he was walking down our block Sunday night when a man approached and asked, "Do you recognize [...]

I stopped watching this show early in season two, because 1. not enough vampires! and 2. I just didn't see where it could go after the crushing season one finale, when plotting bipolar matriarch Sarah Palin lost her chance to run the "United States of America." Plots just don't work when they scale down, you know? Then season two got very Twin Peaks: Sarah quit her job, her daughter's baby-daddy Levi tried to become a porn star through appearing in Fleshworld magazine, and I was like, there is nothing here of narrative importance or interest for me! Well, the show has gone uncanceled, because the network has nothing else, and [...]

I am a "Lost" apologist. Best to get that out of the way first. The show came to me at an important part in my life. I had just moved across the country and into my cousin's guest bedroom about 40 miles north of Los Angeles proper. I knew no one. ABC premiered the show two days after I settled in. I spent the first year of my West Coast existence logging onto every "Lost" message board on the Internet. You know those people who were obsessively dissecting the Blast Door map in season two? That was me.