Turtle With Two Heads Has One More Head Than Usual
If Google is to be believed, it has been nearly three months since we last brought you news from the world of two-headed turtles. That drought ends now. Enjoy.
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Turtle Crosses Street
We have most definitely entered the rough patch of summer that is August. News is slow. People are more irritated, more ground down and quick to anger, but also more indolent because of the heat. The streets are filled with the dead-eyed zombies who, unable to get away somewhere nice, are stuck repeating their daily routines under an oppressive sun, shuffling their way to work and trying to ignore the persistent rivulets of sweat emanating from a variety of bodily crevasses. It is, in short, a time when almost anything goes, especially if you're in the business of attempting to amuse, inform or entertain. That said, I'd like to [...]
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Two-Headed Turtle Has Two Heads
It has been at least a month since we brought you any two-headed turtle news, so let's address that immediately. WITH VIDEO. Unrelated: Anybody else out there feel like there's no way it's only Tuesday, or is it just me?
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Hank the Crocosaurus Dead at 47
The Summer of Death is a heartless season. On Saturday, staff at the Miami tourist attraction Jungle Island found the two-ton, 20-foot-long, crocodile known as Hank the Crocosaurus dead at the bottom of his pool. As reported in the Miami Herald, Hank died a bachelor; his only companion was a five-pound turtle named Frank.
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Baby Turtle Has Two Heads
Would you like to see a picture of a baby turtle with two heads? Of course you would.
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Turtles Attack Airport; Is It A Conspiracy?
78 diamond back terrapins, "presumably on a mating spree, shut down a runway at John F. Kennedy International Airport Wednesday morning for 35 minutes, causing an a hour-and-a-half delay for flights." A spokesman for the Port Authority called the incident uncommon, but not unprecedented. However, given the recent spate of avian attacks, we had to wonder: Is this some kind of organized attempt by the animal kingdom to prevent us from taking to the air? It turns out that it is.
An organization calling itself La Lucha Terrapista claimed responsibility for yesterday's event. We spoke with its leader, a masked reptile who goes by the name Subcomandante Tortos. [...]
