Posts Tagged: Tully Mills
15

How To Lie To Kids About Santa

Now, I don’t think I ever actually believed in Santa. The closest I came was a slow-burning conviction that his name was Santa Sauce because he was, in some sense, actually a marinara-ladled meatball given life and laugh and beard. I don’t think that counts, really—certainly a meatball could never hold a sleigh’s reins, or operate a multinational corporation—so I'll claim that I knew from day zero that Santa was, strictly speaking, a kind of lie.

But he's a useful lie. One that parents can deploy to effectively trick children into not behaving like tiny sociopaths who are too short to drive themselves to school. (Imagine attempting to get full [...]

10

Super Sexy Women's Halloween Costumes

SCANDALIZING TANTALIZING NEWSWEEK COVER

Nothing makes a bigger splash than a daring headline, and nobody does daring like Newsweek! Whether it’s comparing liberals to terrorists or single mothers to other, angrier terrorists, you’re sure to get everyone’s blood boiling in this 100% recycled newsprint costume. Comes with swappable covers to maximize offense to whoever will be seeing you in it, and racy advertorial bustier that’ll really get his pages flipping.

$6.99. One size fits all, available for shipping to US only.

18

'Cannibal Apocalypse: 2012' and Other Musicals I Have Written

Everybody knows that musicals are among the easiest things to write and produce. The only things you need to create a successful musical are: the ability to make music out of nowhere, without cribbing from songs you've already heard; a flair for drama and a deep understanding of the human condition; and, lastly, a rhyming dictionary. Writing a brilliant musical should take anywhere from one to three hours, by my mathematical calculations. If it takes you longer than that, you've over-thought it. I've already written sixteen musicals, I'm just fine-tuning them and waiting until the world is ready to receive them before I let those babies fly. I have [...]