Posts Tagged: True Stories
1

Slow Ride Around Yangon

The man was sick, or had been for hours. When he rose, finally, it was bright out and hot, and he determined that he would not be making it to the conference that day, and instead he would ride the train that went around the city. The way he figured it was, to sit upright, indoors, and work at looking interested was more likely to bring back last night’s nausea than the train. Getting sick in front of people he knew would be embarrassing. This way, if he did puke, it’d be with strangers he would never see again. And trains calmed him.

He packed a big bottle [...]

0

The Bookie After Football Season

Jim is the name he uses as a bookie, not the name he uses at his other job, which is something he’d like to not talk about, because he’d like to keep that job. Jim is broad-chested and bearded and built like the kind of kid who’d have been a good linebacker in high school. Jim didn’t play football, though. Hockey was his sport. Still is. But hockey is terrible for betting. Football is basically perfect, Jim says. The week of the Super Bowl was going to be busy for him, but we aren't there yet. The Pro Bowl is playing on a television way back in the bar and [...]

5

Person Extremely Irritated by Free Internet Service's Downtime

Today a person was totally annoyed by some minor downtime on a free Internet service, and immediately took to another free Internet service to complain about it. "Ugh, OMG, I'm so annoyed, this stupid thing suuuucks!!!!" the person typed to all their online friends and acquaintances.

The free service had reported 99.7% uptime in the last quarter, spending $91,000 a month on more than 100 servers, with two engineers on payroll to deal with uptime and service issues.

9

Showtime, Synergy

It was an acquaintance and former editor of one of those gay lifestyle magazines who advised twenty-year-old me to tone it down if I ever wanted to find a boyfriend. This coming from a man obsessed with anything Disney-related; the walls of his West Hollywood condo adorned with carefully framed Snow White and Fantasia animation cels. "You don't need to tell them how much you love Belinda Carlisle on your first date," he said. "But I do love Belinda Carlisle! That quavering vibrato!" I whined. "Well," he said, "they'll find out eventually, and by that point they will love you, Belinda and all." While I hate(d) him for saying [...]

5

What We Learned From Bill, The Old Man In The Kenyon College Bookstore

  • He saved the world from destruction with his rocket science. He and Wernher von Braun saved the world and all its vegetables.
  • Smoking will make you impotent.
  • He knows "Goodnight Irene" in German.
  • He was raised by nuns because he was an orphan, but he was kicked out when he made a pass at a nun novice. "Early pooberty." He was 9. She was 13.
  • Crazy hats get you a good job.
  • Irene's skin has a pink glow so she'll have at least 3 children.
  • He dated a [...]
14

Free Corporate-Sponsored Event Was Very Good!

There was a free corporate-sponsored event this weekend! Billed as a multimedia arts venture, the event took place in the meat packing district of some city. It was one of a handful of events that will be held internationally this summer, offering up exciting artistic experiences across several technological platforms. It was a music festival featuring a bunch of hot acts. It was also an art show with interactive exhibitions. There were film screenings, including one from a highly acclaimed director. Some companies provided food, and still other companies kept bars stocked with beverages, both alcoholic and otherwise. All for free. It was an embarrassment of riches!

6

Brooklyn Night Court

Brooklyn criminal courtroom number 105, at 10:43 p.m., Judge Jackie Williams presiding. The room is high-ceilinged, the light fluorescent, the pews so worn most of the graffiti etched into the wood is illegible. Judge Williams is seated far back in the room, high up and centered and staring into a flat Dell computer monitor. Behind her, sagging, the United States and New York flags and above those, on the wall in gold Helvetica, “In God We Trust.” Below and in front of the judge, behind another monitor, sits the court reporter. In front of the reporter, two attorneys and the defendant stand facing the judge at two faded lecterns, also [...]

37

Hanks for the Memories

Two years ago this month came Negroni Season, a terrifying installment in the incredible true tales of The Worst Boyfriend in the World. It has been three years since the first installment, Crazy Like a Foxwoods. (We'll be wrapping this up in the year 2024.) Now it's Negroni season once again—so let's dive back in to learn what came next!

What kept me going during the first year of living together was the belief that if the Boyfriend could just quit drinking for good, as he occasionally attempted to do, we’d be home free.

And, even though my "Sober Sundays" initiative never took off, somehow that’s what [...]

11

The Worst Boyfriend In the World

Episode One in the incredible true story of the Worst Boyfriend In The World: The End of a Five Year Relationship.

Me: But I don't understand. If you knew you wanted to break up, why did you stay here and have sex with me for the last two days?

Him: (exasperated) "It's not like I dislike you."